Page 84 of The Forbidden Love of an Officer
‘Where may we sign this?’ Her father raised the parchment.
She led him back into the drawing room and sat at a small table where there was an ink pot and quill. Her father stood behind her as she signed her name. Mrs Eleanor Harding. She did not know who that woman was now, she no longer wanted a name.
She blotted her signature and moved aside, leaving the quill in the inkwell for him.
He signed the paper too. Then called the nursemaid forward to make her mark as a witness.
Ellen reached out and took John back to hold him one last time. Her hand stroked over his hair. His gaze lifted to her eyes. ‘You are to be good,’ she whispered. ‘And you are to always remember how much I love you. I am not letting you go because I do not, but because I do.’ The breath of her quiet words stirred locks of his hair. ‘I know you will grow up to be a clever and wise man, John, and you will be kind and honourable because you are Paul’s son…’ Her voice broke.
His fingers lifted and touched her lips, then the tears on her cheeks. He did not understand. He would not remember her.
She swallowed back more tears, though more still leaked from her eyes.
‘Take the child,’ her father barked.
Ellen’s heart broke, shattering into tiny pieces, as she let the nursemaid lift him from her arms.
This will not be the last time I see you,she swore to herself.I will come and take you back.
‘At least you are sensible,’ her father stated coldly.
An urge to slap him lanced through her arm, but she did not. This anger, this grief, were merely more emotions to be buried deep and locked somewhere within. Lieutenant Colonel Hillier had taught her how to do that.
‘That is resolved then,’ he said, as matter-of-factly as though he had just bought a horse, not taken his daughter’s son from her.
‘Please take me with you? I am not… Papa, I am scared here…’ She begged in a quiet voice.
His cold, emotionless expression ignored her. ‘Take the boy to the carriage.’
He followed the nursemaid out of the room.
Ellen followed them outside and into the street. ‘Let me hold him again.’ Her voice expressed the desperation ripping her apart.
He waved a hand, telling the woman he would allow it.
Ellen held John as tightly as she could, breathed in his sweet scent, ran her fingers over his face and pressed kisses on his soft cheeks, trying to make sure she remembered what it felt like to hold him.
His large eyes stared at her. ‘Mama?’
‘I will miss you. I love you. You will have my heart with you, John.’
‘Mama…’ he said again as the nursemaid took him back.
The nursemaid held the footman’s hand and ascended into the carriage with John balanced on her hip, and her father climbed in after the woman.
The footman closed the door as she heard John say, ‘Horsees…’ from within. Then he ran to the plate at the back of the carriage and hopped up onto it. The groom ran from the horses’ heads to the perch on the other side.
‘Mama?’
A vicious pain lacerated her heart as the carriage pulled away.
‘Mama?’
She had thought when Paul had died she had felt as empty and heart sore as it was possible to feel, but now…
Her arms crossed over her chest and her hands clasped at either elbow, as she stood, deserted in the street, and watched until the carriage containing her beloved son disappeared out of view.
‘I will get you back, John!’ she called after the carriage. ‘We will be together again!’
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