Page 31 of Undisputed Player
It was a small thing, but it made the constant worry in my chest marginally more bearable. At least now I could watch over her, could make sure she made it home safely, even if she had no idea I existed beyond those brief moments at the academy.
Even if she kept looking at me like I was just another problem to solve instead of the solution to all of them.
Tonight, I watched her through the SUV's windshield and the feed on my phone, switching between them as the shadows lengthened. She moved around that cramped apartment with restless energy, never still for more than a heartbeat, always in motion.
She was always working. Always giving. Always putting everyone else's needs before her own.
I watched her help Leo with homework at the scarred kitchen table, saw the way her entire face transformed when she smiled at him. All the exhaustion and worry melted away, replaced by pure love. She was soft with him, patient in ways that spoke of infinite reserves of tenderness.
What would it be like to have her look at me the way she looked at him? With trust, with love, with the certainty that I would protect her from anything?
She stood at the sink washing dishes with hands that trembled from fatigue, her shoulders hunched under the weight of invisible burdens.
I watched her check the locks on the door before she allowed herself to sit down. Even then, her body remained coiled with tension, ready to spring into action at the first sign of threat.
She lived like a soldier in enemy territory, and it was destroying her one sleepless night at a time.
I wanted to hunt down every person who'd ever made her feel unsafe, who'd ever contributed to the wariness that shadowed her every movement. I wanted to carve my displeasure into their flesh with the precision of a master craftsman.
But more than that, so much more, I wanted to be the reason shestopped looking over her shoulder. I wanted to be the safe harbor in whatever storm she was weathering.
When had she last felt safe enough to truly rest?
The questions tormented me, each one adding fuel to the fire burning in my chest. I wanted to march into that apartment, sweep her off her feet, and fucking kidnap her already.
I wanted to feed her until color returned to her cheeks, wanted to watch her sleep for sixteen hours straight in a bed worthy of her beauty. I wanted to be the one who cared for her, who made sure she had everything she needed to not just survive but thrive.
I was obsessed, and I reveled in it. This all-consuming need was unlike anything I'd ever experienced, and I'd never felt more alive.
I'd never wanted to be someone's everything, their whole world, their reason for breathing.
I wanted her dependent on me, wanted her to look at me with the trust and gratitude I'd glimpsed when she interacted with Leo.
I wanted to be her choice, her refuge, her home.
I sat in that piece-of-shit surveillance vehicle for hours, never bored, never restless. Every movement she made fascinated me.
She was a dancer who didn't know she was dancing, poetry in motion wrapped in old clothes and exhaustion.
Around midnight, she migrated to the couch with a blanket, settling in to grade papers on her ancient laptop. The blue glow of the screen highlighted the delicate bones of her face, casting shadows that made her look beautiful and tragic, and utterly captivating.
She had no idea how deep I was already, how far I was willing to go to make her mine. The rational part of my brain whispered warnings about obsession, boundaries, and the legal implications of what I was doing.
But that voice was drowned out by the roar of possessive certainty that she belonged with me.
I was so close to just taking her. To just kicking down that flimsy door, gathering her and Leo in my arms, and carrying them both to safety, whether she wanted it or not.
The temptation was almost overwhelming, the image so vivid I could taste it. Her surprised gasp as I lifted her effortlessly, Leo's wide eyes as I promised him adventure and security in equal measure, the feel of them both safe in my arms as I carried them away from this nightmare masquerading as a life.
But I wanted more than compliance. I wanted her to choose me, to need me, to love me with the same fierce devotion she showed Leo.
Which meant I had to be patient. Had to prove myself worthy of the trust she guarded so carefully, had to show her that not all men were threats to be managed.
I had to become someone she could lean on instead of someone she ran from.
Through the blinds, I continued watching as the night deepened around us. She'd been grading papers for hours, that cup of coffee gone cold beside her, untouched since the first few sips.
She should be sleeping. Eating. Resting those delicate hands that worked so hard to keep her and Leo afloat.
