Page 10 of Devil in Disguise
You can’t do this.
I have to do this.
You can’t.
6
Asymptote
She could feelthe moment where he changed his mind. When his mouth stopped moving on her neck, his hand stilled on her breast.
When she moaned this time, it was from frustration. “Owen. Don’t stop.”
He stopped anyway. He put both palms flat against the wall and heaved in a breath.
“This isn’t right,” he told her.
“Owen.” She had both hands around his head. “I’m not a minor. I’m not even close. I’m nineteen, I’ll bet anything you’ve got a condom in your pocket, and Iwantthis. My mom,most protective woman in the world, knows I want to do this, and I got no Serious Talk today about Decisions and Consequences. You know why? Because I’m an adult, and I can make an adult decision. I can vote. I can buy cigarettes. I can join the Army. If I wanted to, which I don’t, so stop giving me that look. And I can choose to have sex with the greatest guy I’ve ever met.”
He shook his head. “You don’t get it. Having sex can change things. Make you feel … more involved. Obligated.”
“Wait,” she said. “This is you, not me? You don’t want to feel obligated? I don’t believe that. Youliveto feel obligated.”
“No. Of course not. Just … you haven’t even started college yet. It’s better if you go into it, uh … free. To make choices.”
He was stuck. She knew it. She could feel it. Her hands were on his back, touching the thrilling bulk of muscle, feeling the heat of him. He was as wound up inside as she was, and she knew that, too. She said, “You don’t have to protect me.” Something new happening in her chest now, or maybe in her heart.
“Maybe I’m protecting myself.” His smile was a twist. “But, yeah. I do have to protect you. It feels like my job. And I think this could mess you up, starting college and all.”
Protect your quarterback.And everybody else. He’d bought a ranch, she realized in a crystal-clear flash of insight, not just because he wanted one. Because it was a job and a home forever for his dad and mom, his brother and sister-in-law and their kids. It was security they didn’t have to feel awkward or obligated about, because hard work came along with it, and they all needed to work hard and earn their own way.
She said, “It’s not fair to say something that makes me love you even more.”
He took her head in his hands, now, and kissed her forehead. “If I didn’t care about you so much, I could do this. But I can’t find a way to tell myself it’s right.”
She said, “So when do we actually get to have sex?” And felt some of the tension leave him.
“I don’t know,” he said. “When you do start college, maybe. When you feel gone from home. Things will feel different. Trust me, they will.”
“When you’replaying.And I’m inSeattle.”
“Yeah. That’s not the best.”
“The thing is,” she told him, “I’m kind of dying here, you know?”
Another twist of his mouth. “I know.”
“So I think we should do something.”
“Uh …”
“I could blackmail you,” she said. “And tell you that if you won’t have sex with me, I’ll probably fall for some other guy. Somebody with neck tattoos and nipple piercings and a bad attitude. Possibly a motorcycle and a drinking problem, too. That I won’t be able to help myself, because I’m so wound up.”
He got still, and then he said, “Guess if that’s all you want, we’re both with the wrong person.”
“Owen.” She had her hands on his face now, and she leaned forward and kissed his mouth. Soft and slow and sweet, taking her time with it, letting him know. Her tongue in his mouth this time, and a current that was pure power coursed through her at the response she felt from him. Her dress was still at her hips, because he hadn’t pulled it back up, and neither had she. He hadn’t pulled it up because he’d wanted to keep looking, she’d bet anything. She’d felt the moment when he’d noticed that chain. She kissed her way over to his ear and whispered into it, “Then maybe we should just fool around. One of us needs to give me an orgasm tonight, and I want you watching while it happens.”
* * *
