Page 134 of Devil in Disguise
She tried to marshal her thoughts. For once, though, her thoughts wouldn’t marshal. Her thoughts were likecats.So she just started. “I realized that the real problems were geography and time and money. Being in Seattle, and U-Dub’s schedule, and paying for college. That the way their trimester system goes, almost the only time I’m not in school and you’re not playing is one month from mid-June to mid-July. So I thought—is that the only place I could go? And I started to look.”
* * *
His heart hadlong since galloped out of control. He felt like he couldn’t wait another second. He needed toknow.“And what did you find out?” he asked.
“That there’s a school two and a half hours from here that’s ranked higher than U-Dub in Aeronautics and Astronautics. MIT’s still number one, but I don’t want to go to MIT. It’s too far from you, and realizing that doesn’t mean giving up on my dreams. A person can have more than one dream. That’s what the vision board meant. So I started looking.”
“University of Colorado.” He was getting that filling-up-with-air thing again. “Boulder.”
She smiled. Finally. “Owen. It’s number twelve! It’s on a semester system, and the schedule means I could spendsixmonths with you. Three months here on weekends in the spring, and three months full time here and in Portland in the summer. Even the winter break is better, because it’s later, so—postseason!”
“Can you go there, though?”
“You can apply for a transfer all the way up until June first, and I have, but I had to know if it would work, so right before I came here, I had an appointment with the department admissions officer. I showed him my scores and my grades for the first two quarters—Ididget a 4.0 last quarter, by the way—and I told him what I wanted to do and asked him what my chances were, and he said they’d be excited to have me! It’s not sure, but, Owen—I’mgood.I’m a National Merit finalist, and that still matters. I’m a woman, and they’re big on diversity. Also, I grew up poor. That’s kind of a threefer, you know? So I drove up here—and by the way? If Iamdriving back and forth to spend weekends with you, at least the drive is easy. I don’t think that road curves once in a hundred twenty miles.”
“Snows in winter, though,” he said.
“I’m from North Idaho.I know how to drive in the snow. Except that I don’t have a car, but oh, well. Summer job, right? And asking my mom for a loan.Anotherloan, because with out-of-state tuition, it’ll cost twice as much. Also, I had to borrow money from all my friends to get out here, because I didn’t want to tell my mom or Harlan, not unless it was really going to happen. In fact, I haven’t told them that we broke up. I just couldn’t. I felt like once I said it, it would be real, and I couldn’t stand for it to be real.”
“Yep,” he said. “I know. So—money.”
“Yes. But I used my time on the drive up here to talk to my mom.Andto Harlan. Boy, was that hard. I asked Harlan if he’d pay what U-Dub cost, if I took out loans for the rest. It’ll definitely take me two more years for my bachelor’s if I transfer, so that’s sixty thousand from each of us. Which is a lot, but some companies will pay for you to get your master’s while you work, so I’m just sort of transferring the loan to my bachelor’s, that’s all. Also, there are so many astronautics companies around Boulder. Rincon, and Southwest Research Institute, and Odyssey Space Research, and Ball Aerospace, and even more. I know I can get a job, once I’m done. Nobody’s going to work harder than me, not in school and not afterwards. Nobody. I’m smart, and I’m not going to give up. It’s my dream.”
“So …” he said. “After you get the degree, you’re working in Boulder. That the idea?”
“Yes.” Now, she moved closer still. She put her hands on his forearms, looked up into his face and spoke with all her passion and all her urgency. “But that’s the other part of lateral thinking. Why do we have to do this like other people? So you have football and I have astronautics. Why can’t we work it out? Lots of people work remotely nowadays. After the first year or so, once they see you don’t suck, most of those companies will let you work from home some. Maybe I’d go in two days a week. Maybe three. I’d have a place there, and the rest of the time, I could work from here. And I could help with the horses. I could be anasset.It couldwork,Owen. We coulddothis. We could do it now, and we could do it later. It’s possible. Shouldn’t we at least try?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I have some things to say.”
* * *
She’d driven up herein a state of exaltation. She’d riddenouthere with only a few remaining needles of doubt trying to burst her bubble. Now, the bubble popped.
“Oh,” she said, and dropped her hands. She tried to step back, but she couldn’t quite feel her feet. “Oh. Yeah. I know that you have … that it’s your choice, too. That I can’t make you …”
“Wait,” he said. “Dyma.” Now,hewas stepping closer, and he had his hands on her waist. “Hang on. Let me tell you.”
She straightened her shoulders. She lifted her chin. She could survive this. Somehow. No choice. “Tell me.”
“I can’t do that,” he said. “Have you borrow all that money, and have you come up to the ranch for weekends during the semester, and come be with me wherever I am during your breaks, unless this is serious. Unless it’s the real deal. If it hurt this much this time—how much would it hurt later?” His eyes searched her face. “Are you ready to say it is? Are you ready to say this is it?”
“Owen,” she said, “what do you think I’ve been trying totellyou?”
His face relaxed, and finally—finally—he pulled her in and hugged her. When he let her go, he hugged her again. “And I know,” she told him once she could, “that I’m nineteen. I’ll be twenty next month, though. I’m passionate, and I’m impulsive, but I’m not immature. I keep my promises, and I achieve my goals.”
“Enough to want to marry me?” he asked.
Oh, boy. Her head was buzzing. “Uh … enough to say I …” Why was this so hard? “To say that Iwillmarry you. I don’t think you should marry me now, though. I feel like I could never change my mind. Not possible. But what if Iammore immature than I think? Or what if you changeyourmind? What if it’s too hard, not having somebody to come home to during the season? Shouldn’t we make sure it’ll work for both of us before we make a commitment like that?”
He stood still a moment, then said, “Wow. I guess youaremature. Damn. You could be right.”
“I know marriage is a leap of faith,” she said. “I want to take it. I’m just not sure we should take it now. We’ve been long-distance too long, and your work’s too hard.”
“What about engagement?” he asked. “Is that too big a leap?”
She thought she smiled, but she couldn’t tell, because she had no control at all over her face. “No.” It didn’t come out as loud as it should have, so she said it again. “No. But are you sure?”
He laughed. “Honey, I’m so sure. I’m going to show you how sure. But—OK. One more. I want to be the one paying that tuition.”
