Page 53 of Devil in Disguise
After she’d gone, Dyma told Pavani, “I kind of want to hug you.”
Pavani made a choked noise, and Dyma did hug her, during which time Pavani cried and Dyma didn’t. When Dyma stepped back, Pavani ran her fingers under her eyes, tried to laugh, and said, “So. That’s my mom.”
Dyma didn’t ask the thing Owen had expected, something like, “What are my chances here?”Instead, she said, “Whatever happens—you did amazing. Hey, you fought back! Did they bully you, too?”
Pavani nodded. “Not as … as bad as you. They just … said things. About the spelling bee, and my hair. And my …” She glanced at Owen. “Body. And times I wasn’t … cool. Things like that. And I could never think of what to say back.”
“The secret is,” Dyma said, “it’s way easier to fight for somebody else than to fight for yourself.”
“Yes,”Pavani said. “When it’s you, you think, ‘Maybe itisme. Maybe I’m just, like, super awkward,’ and then you start thinking about it, and you just feel …”
“Ashamed,” Dyma said. “Well, I still mostly just feel mad, but other people feel ashamed, like they want to slink away and hide. When it’s somebody else, though, you can be purely mad. Because what they do—it’s not fair. It’s just mean. You didn’t deserve to be made fun of, because you’re awesome. OK? No matter what your parents say—what you did back there was brave. It waskickass.”
“Really?” Pavani asked.
Dyma hugged her again. “Really. Hey, you’re a badass! Trust me. Being a nice girl iswayoverrated.”
Pavani hesitated, then said, picking her words, “If you need a place to stay tonight … we wouldn’t have to tell my parents.”
“Nope,” Dyma said. “I’m not going to make you lie. Go on up. I’m fine. I’ve done it this far, right?”
“All right,” Pavani said. “If you’re sure, I will, because I’ve still got studying to do for midterms.”
“Pavani’s Bioengineering,” Dyma told Owen, then told Pavani, “Owen’s Mechanical. University of Texas.”
“Seriously?” Pavani said, then, “Oh. Sorry. I didn’t mean that, uh, football players couldn’t … that they weren’t …”
He had to smile. He liked this girl. “Yep. I have to say, though—mechanical engineering came pretty easy. Ranch boy. Nothing like bioengineering.”
He could tell Pavani had no idea what he was talking about, but she nodded and said, “Well, goodnight. Oh.” She turned. “See you tomorrow night, maybe?”
“You bet,” Dyma said. “Dinner. Meet you here at seven? And after that—midterm study date in the library?” Pavani nodded and waved, then slung her bulging pack onto her back and headed for the elevator.
When she’d gone, Dyma finally looked at him. “You’re mad,” she said. “Or you’re hurt, I mean physically, but I think you’re mad. Because I didn’t say that I had a boyfriend. Because I didn’t—"
She was standing so upright. Still all messed up, covered with tomato soup and splotches of oil. She didn’t have as much control over her mouth as usual, either. Tackling her problems, though, one at a time.
His heart couldn’t take this. He knew he should walk away. Instead, he said, “Do you want to go back up to your room and get changed?”
“No.”It came out as an explosion. She ran a hand through the longer layers of her hair and said, “Well, I’ll have to, obviously, but I don’twantto. Not because of my roommates. They’ll either be even worse, which mainly just means ignoring me, or maybe doing some humiliating mean-girl thing like, I don’t know, writing things on the whiteboard outside the door about me, so everybody can see, or just talking about me like they do. Or they’ll suck up because of you and Harlan. Both awful, but I mean, I cantakeit. I’ve done it so far. If you have to go, if I’ve been …”
She looked away, and then she swallowed. He could see that swallow go right down her throat. He said, helplessly, “Oh, baby.”
Her shoulders heaved, but she said, “Don’t feel sorry for me. Justdon’t.Just …” She waved an arm. “Do what you need to do. I screwed up. I get it. I keeponscrewing up, because I didn’t know it would be so hard, but I’ll be OK. I mean, everybody gets through this, right? Everybody survives. So … if you can’t love me anymore …” She was trying so hard not to cry. “Then go.”
He said, “Do you want to get out of here with me?”
“I have …” Some more swallowing. “Class tomorrow morning. Ten-thirty. Two more midterms this week.”
“You know what?” he said. “Let’s do it anyway. Just for tonight.”
“In my messed-up clothes. With no toothbrush.”
“Hey.” He put a gentle hand on her face, she turned her cheek into his palm, and his heart turned over one more time. “We don’t have to follow anybody else’s rules.” He did his best to smile. “Come on. Let’s run away.”
* * *
Climbingup into Owen’s truck felt like the most familiar thing she’d done since she got to Seattle. The smell of old leather. The smell of Owen. She was shivering a little, because she was only wearing a T-shirt, and he turned on the heat like she didn’t even have to tell him, put the truck in gear, and got onto the freeway.
