Page 103 of Hell Bent
She shuddered a little, but took the mug, saying, “You know what I meant. Why do you insist on living like this?”
I was going to answer, but Ned came out of the bathroom and said, “This is all some kind of rebellion, right? Why didn’t you just tell me you weren’t ready to get married yet? Why did you have to get so dramatic about it?” He glanced at Sebastian, then looked at him harder and said, “Hang on. Hangon.”
“That’s right,” I said. “The guy from the restaurant.”
“What?” my mother asked.
“And the reason,” Ned said, “that you left me at the altar. I wouldn’t have believed it. Ididn’tbelieve it even when you got out of the car with him. You’re stubborn, yes, and insistent on having things your own way, but I always thought you were decent. I never thought you’d cheat.”
I said, “This is going in the ‘more in sorrow than in anger’ direction, I guess. No, I wasn’t having an affair. The first time I saw Sebastian after that night was the day I left you.”
“And you expect me to believe that?” he said. “When you walked out on our marriage, and lo and behold, here’s this guy with you again?” Ned was mild. Famously mild.Annoyinglymild. But he had spots of color on his cheeks and was looking at Sebastian like he wanted to fight him. There’d onlybe one winner in that situation, so much as I didn’t want to, I’d better smooth the waters here.
I was opening my mouth to do it when Sebastian said, “Alix doesn’t lie.”
“Oh, right,” Ned said. “Are you sure she’s only sleeping with you? Because I’d be wondering right about now. And what kind of prize is a woman who walks out on her fiancé, who walks out on her family, including the ancient grandmother she’s supposedly devoted to, who walks out on her education, because she can’t see anything through? No prize, that’s what. I guess I know that now. Better late than never. I came all the way up here, and now this?”
“And I can’t figure out,” I said, before Sebastian could answer, because the muscles were bunching in his jaw and his hands were fisting, “why you did that. I know why my mother’s here. To convince me to come back. But seriously? My departure wasn’t enough of a statement for you?”
Ned didn’t answer, just stared at me, his mouth a hard line. I said, “Wait. Wait. You came to rescue me. To do some kind of intervention and take me home. I was frightened by commitment and lost my mind temporarily, but that’s because I’m confused. You’re willing to forgive me and try again.”
“Not anymore, I’m not,” Ned said. “Not now that I know you were cheating on me. I guess all those ethics and values of yours only count when you don’t want something, huh?” He’d stood up, and nowhewas clenching his fists. And, of course, Sebastian was standing up to meet him. Facing off, practically nose to nose, because itwasa very small trailer.
I said, “Come on. How would you even have a fight in this place? There’s nothing to fight about, and Sebastian would win anyway. All you’re going to do, Ned, is fall against the table and bruise your ribs, and believe it or not, I never wanted to hurt you. I know Ididhurt you, and I’m sorry, buttrust me, it would’ve been worse if I’d married you. I was panicked. I wastrapped.I’d have been one of those foxes that gnaws off its own foot to escape, and I doubt the process would have been any fun for you. Plus, divorce is expensive. You got off easy.”
“Excuse me?” Ned didn’t just look mad anymore. He looked outraged. “Have you forgotten that I’ve been doing CrossFit three times a week for the past year? Why wouldn’tIwin? And what makes him special?” He snapped his fingers. “Wait. Wait. He’s another electrician, or something like that. Plumber. I bet that’s it. You a plumber, dude? Some guy in a plaid flannel shirt and Levi’s and that ratty leather jacket, eating all alone at an expensive restaurant. Probably because his blind date stood him up. Or, wait. I’ve got it. She walked out on you, right? A glass of wine is twenty bucks there, and you left in an Uber. It was drinks and appetizers, I’ll bet, and she wasn’t having any. Yeah, you clearly know how to show a woman a good time.”
“What else do you have,” Sebastian asked, “besides my poverty? Go on, lay it on me.” Neither of them had budged an inch, and Sebastian had folded his arms. Which unfortunately just showed off his muscles, because he was wearing the golden-brown merino sweater again, and it was knit so fine, you could recognize every bit of his biceps and forearms through it.
“Oh, for heaven’s sake,” my mother said. “Stop it, you two. We aren’t going to solve anything like this.”
Ned was always deferential to my mother. He called her “Princess,” in fact, which she loved and about made me gag. Why hadn’t that bothered me more? Now, though, he ignored her completely and said, “You’re doing some blue-collar job that she thinks makes you a real man, right? Like that’s any kind of measure. Alix calls herself a feminist, likes to act tough, but in the end, it’s all about the guys in work boots.Guys who make forty dollars an hour and gripe about their boss and think they’re hot shit and probably treat women like garbage. I bet you ride a motorcycle too. Ooh, so sexy. Until you crash it and she ends up in the ICU, and you dump her because she doesn’t look good anymore.Iwas prepared to love and cherish you, Alix, even with all your limitations, but that wasn’t good enough. You had to have your working-class fantasy. Where does that evencomefrom? I don’t get it. It’s sure not how you were raised. I’ve been in that house. Billionaire’s Row, Pacific Heights,” he told Sebastian. “Not that you’d know what that is. And it’s a familyhouse. Her dad’s family. They’reallrich. Both sides. Do you really think she’s going to pick you?”
“Ned,” my mother said.
“I’m sorry you have to hear this, Princess,” Ned said. “But somebody needs to say it.”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed. Every head swiveled to look at me, my mother drawing herself up like she was about to say, “This is hardly appropriate, Anastasia,” Ned looking like, “I knew you were unstable all along, but now you’ve gone around the bend,” and Sebastian looking like, “This is so stupid, and would you let medefendyou for once?”
I did my best to answer them all by saying, “Look. I know you don’t get it. I didn’t get it either. I thought I was ready to change my life. I thought all of it was more mature, somehow, stepping into the life I should want. The wedding. The registry. The BMW. Moving into your fancy condo in the best building. The degree. The job. Until I realized I didn’t want any of them, and I didn’t want the man, either. Not because he’s a bad person. Because he—you—reallydon’tget me, and you never will. None of which is a tragedy, it’s just life. I’m sorry you came all this way, which is whatIdon’t get, but hey. We all make mistakes.”
I thought that was good. Understanding. Mature.
“Except that’s not it at all,” Ned said. “You wanted the rough trade. She can’t do it,” he told Sebastian. “Haven’t you found that out yet? You can’t bruise her. She’s too delicate. Except that she can somehow do that job. She can somehow do everything, and she doesn’t need you for anything except sex, but you’re supposed to treat her like she’s fragile there. Go figurethat.She wants to be some Amazon, but so sorry, she’s defective. She probably can’t even have kids! What exactly does she bring to the party? Not money, not until everybody dies. Not hot sex. Not kids. Not education, because she doesn’t even have a degree! So what’s the attraction, huh? What’s the attraction?”
Well,thiswas embarrassing.
My mother started to say, “Ned,” again, with an exclamation point this time, but she was too late.
Sebastian didn’t hit Ned. Hegrabbedhim, spun him around, and twisted his hand behind his back. The same way he’d done this morning with me, but a whole lot less gentle. His voice was quiet when he said into Ned’s ear, “That’s enough,” but it sure carried some menace.
“I’ll say when—” Ned began, but Sebastian didn’t let him. He told my mother, “Car keys.”
“I beg your pardon?” my mother said, at her most regal.
“I don’t want to hit him,” Sebastian said. “And if we don’t get him out of here, I will. Car keys.”
Ned was struggling, and Sebastian increased the pressure and said, “If I have to hurt you to make you leave, I’ll do it.”
