Page 106 of Hell Bent
“How would you embarrass me?” he asked.
“Excuse me. Electrician? Mud on face? Hard hat? Carhartts?”
“Nah,” he said. “That was just funny.” And grinned.
My mother said, “That earring is Chanel.” Her tone a little sharp.
“Yes,” I said. “Sebastian gave it to me for my birthday. The necklace, too.”
“Hmm,” she said. “You do realize that professional sports are notoriously unreliable as a future income source. I work with a few former players. The ones who haven’t already spent all their money. That’s why it’s only a few.”
“Always a danger,” Sebastian agreed.
“Mother,” I said, “I’mdatingthe guy. I’m not marrying him! Why are you quizzing him about his financial status?”
“Don’t worry,” Sebastian said. “I’m not sharing my financial status with anybody whose business it isn’t. Which is just about nobody. I’ll tell you, though, if you like.”
“I don’t like,” I said. “Because itisnone of my business. But what I said is true. I can take care of myself.” I told my mother, “I have over two hundred thousand invested.”
She said, “How?—”
“With Charles Schwab,” I said. “In a no-load index fund, because I learned your lessons well. I put in at least twenty thousand a year until I went to college, which was easy, because I wasliving in a trailer and paying no rent. It’s been earning that compound interest, and as you know, the last couple of years have been good in the market. I own the trailer, and I own my truck. I’m fine, and I’llbefine. Could you trust that you and Dad raised me right? Please?”
She said, “But your condition.”
I sighed, pushed a hand through my hair, and said, “I know you love me. I know you worry. And, yes, I’ve had a little pain. I’m on the books at the hemostasis clinic at Oregon Health & Science University, and I’ve already had an infusion when I needed it.”
“I knew it,” she said. “Iknewit.”
“And do you know what Sebastian did when that happened?” I asked. “When I finally told him? He was mad at me for not telling him before or asking for help. Exactly like you. And he bullied me intolettinghim help. Again, just like you.”
“So he can do it,” my mother said, “some man you just met, but I can’t.”
“Yes,” I said. “Because you’re my mother, and I’m a grown woman, and he’s my …” I had to stop, then. I didn’t know what word to fill in here.
“Partner,” Sebastian said. “And you count on your partner for that kind of thing. Cups of tea. Ice packs. Dinner in bed.”
“And you haven’t had a bleeding episode,” my mother said.
“Well, yes,” I said. “I have. I had a bloody nose. Not the end of the world, and Sebastian was great about that, too. I’m fine, Mother. I’mfine.If I’d had that bloody nose without him, I’d have done exactly the same thing, and I’d have been fine then, too.”
She didn’t say anything. She just looked uncomprehending. Stuck. Almost lost, and I got one of those world-flipping moments, when you see everything the other way around. I took her hand across the table, gentled my voice, and said, “I know it’s hard to see me doing things that seem dangerous. I know you worry. I also know that I need to grow up and change this deal we have. I need to call you more, to talk to you not just about how I’m doing, but about howyou’redoing. I need to step up. If I want to be a full-grown adult, I need to stop complaining and step up.”
41
A LINK IN THE CHAIN
Sebastian
Alix didn’t cry, and neither did Elise, because these were two formidable women, no matter how casual Alix tried to be. There was a hug, though, when they stood together in the tiny floor space—it really was a small trailer—after which her mother held Alix’s head in her two hands, looked into her face, and said, “I’m still going to worry. I’m still going to ask.”
“I know,” Alix said. “And I’m going to try to meet that with some calm next time, OK? We’ll have a reboot. It could be imperfect, but I’m going to try. Starting now. How are you? How’s Dad?”
“We miss you,” Elise said simply, and Alix said, “I’m sorry. I miss you too.”
“But you won’t come home,” Elise said.
“I think,” Alix said, “that I am home.” Which was a jolt. Good or bad, I couldn’t tell. She went on, though, “When you were my age, you’d already had me. Home was where you and Dad were, right?”
