Page 121 of Hell Bent
Evelyn sat at the table, so I did, too, and Lexi collapsed beside me, whining so softly I could hardly hear it. Evelyn said, “She’s still conscious, but I’m guessing that’s because she’s been holding on to see her son. Sometimes they do that. One last thing to do before they go.”
I swallowed. “I’m glad she’s still here to see him. For him, too. Look,” I decided to add. “I’m the support system here. Well, Lexi and me. I’m guessing you’ve done this a lot, though. Death.”
“Quite a few times. It’s easier when they’re older, when they’ve had plenty of time. Solange—Dr. Robillard—she’s only thirty-six, and with that boy. She was a good doctor, too. Not the warmest, you know, pretty businesslike, but she sure cared about her patients. Would go to bat for them. It’s a waste, is what.”
“You know that?”
She shrugged. “You hear things from friends. A private lady. Had her son, and that was about it. Not a sharer. Not a whiner, either. She fought hard, trying to stay here for him. She’s still fighting. Hard for some of them to let go.”
I got up and got a glass of water, because my mouth was suddenly dry.Think,I told myself. “What could I do that would be helpful?” I asked. “I don’t want to intrude, but—what?”
“Coffee,” she said. “Food. A jigsaw puzzle is good. People sitting there for hours, don’t know how long it will be, can’tfocus, need something to do with their hands.” She reached into her bag and pulled out something woolly. “Crochet, for me. It could be days. I don’t think so, not now that she’s seen him, because she’s knocking at the door, but it could be.”
“OK,” I said. “That’s what I’m doing, then, because you’re right, food is exactly what Ben needs, and coffee’s what Sebastian and I do. I’m not Canadian, though. What do I pick up? And where?”
When you’re not sure what to do, do what you can. I couldn’t take Sebastian’s pain for him, much less Ben’s. I could pick up coffee, though, and I could hold a hand. So that was what I was going to do.
Sebastian
Solange hadn’t woken up when Alix came in with a tray of drinks and a white paper bag. She said, “I got coffee, and I also got Ben a Coke and donuts from Tim Hortons. Evelyn said their donuts are a thing. I got you a sandwich, too, Ben, but if you just want the donuts, go for it. Want to come eat in the kitchen with Lexi?”
“OK,” Ben said. “But somebody should?—”
“I’ll stay with your mom,” I told him. “We can take turns.” He nodded and walked out, his face blank, and after a minute or two, Alix came back with another kitchen chair, which she set beside mine.
I said, “You don’t have to stay.”
She said, “I won’t if you don’t want me, but I’d rather be here.”
I said, “You have interesting tastes,” and tried to smile, but the smile wouldn’t come.
“Was she awake before? Did Ben get to talk to her at all?” Alix asked after a minute, sipping at her own coffee. She hadto be so tired by now. I knew I felt like I weighed four hundred pounds.
“Yeah,” I said. “She held him a while. It was good, I guess.”
Her face was too soft when she said, “I’m sure it will help him,” and I had to look away and breathe a little. “Did you have a chance to say goodbye?”
My chest closed again at that, and I said, “Yeah.”
“Sebastian.” Her hand was on mine. “You are such a good man. And I’m so sorry.”
I couldn’t answer that time. I would have cried.
We sat there all night. Ben came back after a few minutes, holding Lexi’s leash, and sank down on the floor, his back against the wall, with the dog’s head in his lap. After an hour or so, Alix and I got onto the floor too, because those chairs were getting uncomfortable. She held my hand, and somewhere in there, I dozed off.
I woke up in the semi-dark, not sure why I had, then heard the difference in Solange’s breathing. It was louder now, raspy and irregular, with long pauses between the breaths, and I knew what that meant. Her eyes were closed, her mouth open.
I said, “Ben.” Quietly.
He started awake and said, “What? Is it?—”
I said, “I think so.”
He didn’t say anything, just sat on the chair again and picked up her hand. I sat myself, with Alix beside me, and picked up the other one. It was ice-cold.
More irregular breaths, the pauses longer now, and a gasp. And silence.
Ben said, “Is she?—”
