Page 17 of Hell Bent
I seized on that gratefully. Much less fraught topic. “Theonly thing I had. My grandmother went with me back to the hotel to change, the one where the reception was going to be held. I hope somebody eats all that food, and I’m not even going to think about the fact that a morally evolved person would pay back their parents. Do you have to pay it back if you didn’t want that fancy wedding? It was over two hundred thousand dollars, so I’m sure hoping the answer is ‘no.’ But if it’s ‘yes,’ well, I’ll just have to figure out a way.”
“I don’t know,” Sebastian said. “Maybe pay back the cost of the wedding you wanted.”
“That’s actually wise,” I said. “Huh.”
“Don’t act so surprised,” he said, and I smiled and went on to say, “Anyway, I had my reception dress and shoes at the hotel to change into, so at least I didn’t flee in a wedding gown and veil. Small mercies.”
“But you didn’t have a pickup and a fifth wheel there,” Sebastian persevered. “So, again?—”
“The fifth wheel was at my grandmother’s. It’s mine. I’d been living there while I went to school, and when I was—before that. But like I said, I’d moved in with Ned over Thanksgiving, and my clothes were gone.”
“Pickup?” he pressed.
“Traded in my car for it. BMW, present from my parents. My mother buys German cars, because of the princess deal, and my grandparents never did, because of the German deal. I bought the pickup wearing my sequined dress, alongside my ancient, tiny, beautifully dressed grandmother. Boy, was the salesman surprised. He tried to get me to pay a good $5K too much for it, too. I guess women in sequins aren’t respected.”
“How’d you hitch up the fifth wheel?” he asked.
“How do you think? I used to have a pickup, before I slotted into my mother’s life plan. I know how. And, yes, I could feel guilty about the gift-car, but …”
“But a present is a present. You hooked it up in heels, though?”
I waved a fry dismissively. “I still had a pair of rubber boots for gardening at my grandmother’s, and it’s not that hard to hook up a fifth wheel, even in a sparkly dress, if you’ve got the hitch in the bed and know how to attach your cables. All you have to do is be able to back up straight. I bought a truck with the tow package and a hitch already installed. Used, of course, so fingers crossed I make it out of the state.”
“You’re a capable woman,” he said.
“Don’t sound so surprised.”
“So you hooked up your fifth wheel and took off. With no plan.”
“That’s about the size of it. Look,” I tried to explain, “my mom just about had hysterics. Shedidn’thave hysterics, because she’s too well bred for that, but she came close. My phone kept buzzing and buzzing until I turned it off. I wanted to throw it out the window and possibly drive over it.Imay have come close to hysterics. I kept thinking that Christmas is about two weeks away, which means family time with the parents who’ll never be able to show their faces at the ballet again and can’tbelieveyou did this. Oh, shoot. I need to send back all the presents. How could I forget that? I should?—”
I was standing up, and Sebastian was saying, “Hey. No. Sit down.”
“You don’t tell me to sit down,” I said. “I’m an?—”
“Yeah, I know. A princess in all her power. I get it. But you chose to talk it out, which presumably includes feedback. At least let me give you feedback before you turn the truck around.”
I sat down, folded my arms, and said, “Not because I’m a princess. Because I have agency. But OK. Go. What’s your feedback that will make this all right?”
“You’re a dream to argue with,” he said, and I had to laugh, which made him grin, and that was better. “Here’s a concept for you,” he went on. “The presents were to both of you, right?”
“Right.”
“And you moved in with him, which means they’re in his place, right?”
“Also right,” I said. “I’m liking this feedback idea.”
“Who wrote the thank-you notes?” he asked.
“Me. Are you kidding? I was raised well. Of course I wrote them. Hundreds of them. We had an invitation list of almost five hundred people. Five. Frigging. Hundred. That condo is full of things. Drowning in things. Monogrammed thousand-thread-count sheets. Frette Egyptian cotton towels at two hundred dollars a pop. Hand-painted Arhaus dinnerware. That’s actually practical, and beautiful, too, so I’m a little sorry about that one. Hestan Nanobond cookware. I know I should be grateful for all of it, but?—”
“But you’re a woman who’s been living in a fifth wheel. And not a big one.”
“Yes.I got totally overwhelmed by all of it, but that shouldn’t make me ungrateful. People went out of their way to give me that stuff.”
“To givebothof you that stuff. Which means he can send them all back,” Sebastian said. “He’s the one who’s there, and you wrote all the notes. Just think—he can add his own note with every present saying what a bitch you were for leaving him at the altar. Good times.”
“Hecould,”I said. “Whether hewill …I have the list of what everyone gave on my phone. I could forward it to him, I guess.”
