“Ugh, fairy tales?” Jon asked as he put the phone back to his ear.
Az’s laughter died down, and he coughed a bit. “Sorry, ugh, just had a frog stuck in my throat there for a minute.”
If only Beel could roll his eyes. Az was such a pain in the ass. Jon didn’t say anything, and after an awkward pause, Az went on.
“So, I take it you haven’t kissed any unsuspecting… uh… people?” Az ventured.
Jon immediately turned bright red before stuttering, “Well, I mean, I guess technically the guy who broke into my apartment kissedme,but how did you know about that?”
“WHAT? Someone broke into your apartment? What happened? Are you okay?” Az yelled through the line, and Beel winced a bit in sympathy as Jon pulled the phone away from his ear again. Az was quite exuberant on the phone.
“Umm, well, so my ex kind of showed up in the middle of the night. He was drunk, I think, and he was, well, he was sort of threatening me?” Jon said unsurely.
Az growled through the phone. Beel bobbed his little froggy head in agreement. Yes, definitely Az should know about this. He would help Beel keep an eye out.
Jon looked sharply over at him, almost like he’d seen the froggy nod from the corner of his eye, but Az cut him off.
“What’s his name?” Az demanded.
“I don’t think—” Jon started, but Beel cut him off with some ribbitting to describe the idiot ex Marcus. Jon looked at him oddly again, but Jon’s safety came first. The guy was already suspicious of his well-timed ribbits. Nothing Beel could do about that.
Az obviously heard the description well enough through the phone, because he assured Jon, “We’ll watch out for you. Don’t worry. We’re all very fond of you, you know.”
“Err, thanks. I appreciate that, Az,” Jon admitted.
“And he forced himself on you with an unwanted kiss? Because that shall not be tolerated. Consent is of the utmost importance,” Az growled.
“Well, no. It wasn’t my ex that kissed me. That was the guy that broke in. Sort of broke in. Maybe,” Jon finished unsurely.
“Wait, there was another guy?” Az asked, confused himself now.
Beel could’ve croaked a response, but if Az couldn’t figure it out, Beel sure wasn’t helping him along the way.
“Yeah, he just sort of appeared in my apartment. In boxers. He scared my ex off, although he really wasn’t that scary. He was actually really sweet. And, uh, well, pretty sexy too,” Jon added, blushing even though Az couldn’t see him.
Az chortled through the phone. “Wait, so some random guyshows up in your apartment and rescues you from your ex? And you kissed him?”
“No, he kissed me. I mean, not that I was complaining. It was a great kiss, and I definitely, uh, kissed him back. Then he left. But, that’s the thing, because I don’t really know how he even got in. He said the fire escape, but I don’t have one.” Jon rubbed the back of his neck and looked at Beel suspiciously again.
Beel just stared back. Az might think that he was the random guy, but Az didn’t know for sure. Beel had no clue what the whole fairy tale thing was about, but obviously Az had something else up his sleeve, and he hadn’t expected this phone call. Beel could only thank hell that Az had gotten derailed before he spilled Beel’s secret.
Not that he was in the clear yet.
Time for Beel to take matters into his own hands.
If you tell him it was me, I’ll tell Gabe what you did with his favorite dildo, Beel croaked out.
Az sputtered, finally gasping, “I can't believe you would do that!”
“Well, I mean, I didn’t, like, sleep with the guy or anything, and he seemed really nice. Maybe it wasn’t the wisest thing to kiss him back, but he was a really good kisser. I know it was stupid…” Jon trailed off.
Oops. Az really wasn’t the brightest Infernal King of the Underworld sometimes. Jon thought Az was replying to him. He would’ve croaked at Az again, but obviously the demon was not capable of holding two conversations at once.
Az realized his error, though, and hastily added, “No! I mean, it’s fine. Kiss whoever you want! Kiss lots of people. Pets, too! Kiss lots of pets! They all need kisses! You will never find me kiss shaming. Perish the very thought. No, that isn’t what I meant. Not at all. I, uh, I was just worried about you. What with strange guys breaking into your place. But, um, I can’t tell you who it was, unless you had some idea about who it was?” Az finished hopefully.
Jon looked super unsure now, though, and Beel was hoping maybe the dangerhad passed.
“No, I guess not. I just wanted someone else to know, I guess. I just wish I knew where he came from. He was just so sweet, and kind, and he was areallygood kisser,” Jon sighed.
