Page 14 of How to Trust a Hellhound
I breathed deeply, but Atlas was right. Rick was an asshole, and he was definitely on his way to rotten, but he wasn’t there yet. I told the boys what we were getting, and then we split up to pack the rest of Josh’s stuff.
I took the bedroom, since a part of me bristled at anyone else going through Josh’s personal space. It, like the rest of the apartment, was in disarray, but I saw Aiden had packed up most of Josh’s clothes. There were two closets, so it was easy enough to tell which stuff was Josh’s and empty out the rest of the closet. It looked like Josh and Rick had separate dressers, as well, so I emptied out the one that contained Josh’s scent. I looked around for pictures or personal items, but the room was oddly devoid of such things.
I checked the nightstand on the side of the bed that smelled most like Josh, and my eyebrows rose at what I saw. Lube, chargers, a pen and pencil and blank notepad, all neatly arranged. Behind that, however, were the toys. There was a range of dildos in various sizes, and the largest one made me think Josh would enjoy experiencing a knot. I debated whether to pack them or not, but the drawer did not smell freshly of Josh. I didn’t think these were things he’d used frequently, at least not in the recent past.
Scent led me to look under the bed next, and there was a box filled with toys under there as well. There were all sorts of things—ropes, clamps, a paddle, more dildos—but this smelled even more out of use than the nightstand drawer. I was unsure whether these were items of interest to Josh or his ex, but whatever the case, the two had not used them in a long time.
I covered the box and returned it underneath the bed. The thought of Josh using something that he had used with Rick was… upsetting. I didn’t like it. The dildos seemed to be his and not mutual toys, and I opened the drawer again, memorizing what they looked like. If Josh needed toys, I would provide new ones. He didn’t need ones that carried the memory of his ex. Plus, Josh was young and attractive, and he would surely be able to find a willing bed partner if he needed one.
I growled subvocally at the thought, then shook my head. I wasn’t a pup to let my emotions control me, and Josh wasn’t mine. I wanted to growl again at that thought. Josh wasn’t mineyet, I amended. Apparently, I had strong feelings on the matter, and I decided if Josh needed a willing bed partner, I would be available.
I sat on the edge of the bed for a moment. I had seen Josh’s soul, I had scented him, and I had held him in a vulnerable moment. He was pack, of that I had no doubt. And yet, my feelings for him were not what they were for the rest of the pack. Could it be that I had been gifted, just as my boys had been? It seemed unfair that I should come before Corbin and Jude, but I also sensed they had mates in their own futures. What did it mean, as well, that our entire pack would be mated? It was practically unheard of to find a mate—a legend hellhounds told one another to make the endless years seem less lonely—yet here we were, a growing pack. We had been blessed, and I had no idea why. The universe was… unsteady. Perhaps a time was coming when we would need our mates for some reason.
I cut my thoughts short and finished packing as I heard Corbin and Jude going in and out of the place, loading up the cars. I brought out the bedroom stuff and loaded it as well, and we made short work of emptying everything that was Josh’s. I texted Aiden to make sure Josh didn’t need anything else, and he told me Josh enjoyed building things but hadn’t done that in a while. I thought it would be easy enough to stop at a store and pick him up something, and it pleased me to think of caring for him.
When I told Jude about my idea, he insisted on coming, and Corbin decided to tag along. I followed their car to a large store outside of town—one of the giant box buildings that carried a little bit of everything. We made our way inside, Jude leading Corbin and I to the part of the store that mostly contained children’s toys.
“I don’t think…” I started, but Jude led me down an aisle filled with building sets. “Ah, yes—this is what Aiden said he liked. There are so many.”
“Yep! I’ve built a couple in the past. They’re fun,” Jude said, already looking at some of the race cars. Corbin was looking closely at some of the magical buildings and castles, occasionally scoffing. He almost looked naked without a crow on his shoulder, but he knew better than to walk into a store with one.
I looked around; I hadn’t expected so many choices. Some were obviously for small children, but there were many that were intricate and complicated. Some even had those human devices to prevent theft on them. When I looked at the price tag, I understood why.
“I wouldn't get him something that big yet,” Jude said, noticing where I was looking. “We don’t know how much of a build your guy likes. Plus, that might make him feel like he’s gotta pay you back. If he’s a builder, he knows how much the sets cost. Humans get weird about expensive gifts sometimes.”
I ignored the flash of pleasure that went through me when Jude called him “my guy.” He was right, though—I didn’t think Josh was used to receiving gifts.
With that in mind, I looked at some of the smaller sets. I didn’t know all his interests yet, but I was drawn to the sets of flowers and plants that could be built. Wasn’t it customary for humans to give each other flowers when they were interested? I couldn’t deny my interest in Josh, and the idea of courting him made me want to rumble in pleasure.
I saw a plum blossom, and I immediately thought of Josh. He was like my own mei ume—strong, resilient, and persevering despite what his ex had put him through. He might not know the meaning of the flowers, but I did, so I grabbed a set off the shelf. An old camera build caught my eye as well. I wasn't sure why, but it seemed like something Josh would appreciate. I grabbed that, although Judegave me a slight frown when he saw me with both sets. Corbin nodded approvingly, though.
“Josh doesn’t seem like he’d take gifts easily,” Jude reiterated.
“All the more reason to start getting him used to it,” I answered. I noticed that Jude had a few race cars in his hand, and Corbin had wandered off at some point and found a stuffed raven. I smiled indulgently and led my boys off to the cash register, happy to buy them some new toys. You were never too old to enjoy things that made you happy.
Chapter 7
Josh
Ilaid around and watched a documentary on fraud, and then I watched one on an internet scammer. I played a matching game on my phone, and I stressed about texting Rick.
I probably needed to.
He’d go home, find my stuff missing, and freak out.
A tiny part of me hoped he’d be worried, but I knew he’d actually just be mad. So, the question was whether I wanted to wait to deal with his wrath, or whether I wanted to tell him before he started sending angry messages. He was probably at work, and I hated to bother him at work.
You know what? Fuck that. I wasn’t at work today because my face and wrist were bruised. Why should I try and make his life easier? That was all I ever did, and look where it had gotten me.
I started writing a long text, then erased it, then started again, then erased it.
Ugh.
I paused the documentary, because I had totally lost what was going on. I couldn’t even relax properly. It was so hard to turn off my brain. Work did it, because I enjoyed getting lostin numbers. But I had taken the day off, and I still felt too out of sorts to go through other people’s accounts. The last thing I wanted to do was screw something up. As a financial advisor, I did a lot of different things, from bookkeeping to payroll to retirement planning. Barb was picky about who she took on as customers, so I was lucky that I got to help a lot of small businesses and individuals. I never felt like a “slimy, stuck-up wall street asshole.”
Yeah, Rick had called me that once, “just joking.” Which was stupid, because I didn’t even work with the stock market.
I looked at my phone. I just needed to text him and get it out of the way, but I continued to stare at it. He’d probably call me. Or send a barrage of text messages back. I didn’t even know what I would say, and although I knew I wasn’t going back to him, I didn’t know if I could handle dealing with him.
