Page 22 of How to Trust a Hellhound
I’d known I had to leave him when he slapped me. I wasn’t sure why that was a defining moment when all the shoves, the bruises, and the grabbing and pressing hands had somehow been excusable in my mind. I guessed because I could write those off as being sort of accidental, even if I knew that wasn’t true. Rick had seen the bruises he’d given me. He always played it off as accidental, but he was never less rough.
I didn’t know why the slap had been different, but in callingAiden, I’d been admitting to myself that something was seriously wrong. There were no more excuses when I told someone else.
I had known the relationship was over, but I’d still wondered if Rick loved me, or if he’d really meant the slap. Or if it had been my fault somehow.
I realized now that he didn’t love me. I liked to think that once upon a time he did. I know I’d loved him, but somewhere in the past few months, or maybe even the past year, that love had died. We hadn’t even liked talking to each other anymore. He never wanted to hear what I had to say, and I’d grown sick of his constant complaining. The sex had fizzled out as time wore on, and I’d been holding onto memories more than reality.
I’d gotten passion and love all mixed up in my head, but what Rick did when we fought wasn’t passion—it was abuse.
I finished up in the shower and dried off, getting dressed.
I was better without Rick. I didn’t need him in my life. I had friends, a good job, and he hadn’t made me happy in a long time. I didn’t love him anymore, and he didn’t love me either.
It felt freeing to realize that. I would go to work, and I would tell everyone I had been out because I’d broken up with Rick. I was officially done with him, and I was ready to move on.
When I got out of the bathroom, there was coffee and a muffin on the table, and I tried not to read too much into it. I called a rideshare to go into work, and I ate while I walked up to the main road.
I’d have to figure something out for transportation if I stayed here, and I did want to stay here. The cabin was really nice, and it was close to Toby and Aiden and Q. It was good to have friends nearby. Yup. It definitely wasn’t also because Wilder was nearby. I snorted at myself. I’d definitely have to get a handle on my attraction before I made a fool of myself.
I distracted myself by thinking about getting a car. I could certainly afford one, and I could drive.I hadn’t needed one since Rick had a car, never mind the fact that I’d actually made the down payment on it and usually paid the car payments. He could keep it. It had been in his name, anyway.
I was ready to move on. As the rideshare pulled up and I climbed in (after checking the license plate and driver, of course), I felt calm. If Rickdidshow up, I would handle it. We were done, and he wouldn’t be able to convince me otherwise. Rick wasn’t crazy or anything, either. He was volatile, but it wasn’t like he was a killer or anything. My fear of him was overblown. I was a grown man, and I could handle him.
I was done being afraid.
Chapter 10
Wilder
As much as I wanted to stay and have breakfast with Josh, I knew he had to get ready for work. Still, my hellhound pushed me to go back and cuddle the man and not let him go. It was a hard impulse to fight, but I left the food on the counter and headed out, strolling back towards the main houses.
I had been awake earlier when I sensed that Josh needed me. When I’d walked into the cabin (after knocking and not getting an answer), I was glad to see that he wasn’t in any danger, but it still broke my heart to see him huddled up, the smell of fear and sadness thick in the air. I was just glad he’d let me hold and comfort him.
I sighed as I walked, thinking about the last week. Josh had been avoiding me. He’d been avoiding everyone, though, so I’d let him have his space. Perhaps that needed to end, though.
I knew he was avoiding talking about it with anyone, even Toby (much to Toby’s concern). He’d seemed content enough, getting visits from Aiden and Q, building Lego sets, and watching documentaries. I felt like that had been a waiting period, though. Josh hadn’t dealt with his emotions, and maybe it was time for him to do so. Hopefully this morning had helped purge some of the bad feelings.
I had the urge to do something, to fix things, even though I logically knew that wasn’t possible. Josh needed to work through his trauma, and being there for him was what I needed to do. Sitting back and waiting was not my forte, though.
There was still an itch under my skin. I had comforted Josh, and that was what had started the feeling of needing to act this morning, but I felt like there was something else that needed my attention.
Sometimes being a first generation hellhound was a pain in the ass. We’d forgotten a lot over time, and I often ran on instinct more than anything else.
With that thought, I headed to Liam’s. He was, as usual, ensconced in his technology den, although Quinton was at work, so he was alone.
“We might have a problem,” he said when I walked in.
Ah, there it was. Nothing urgent, but Liam had an issue. Sometimes my boys needed me to listen and let them figure things out on their own. It was frustrating when my instincts told me to back off and not take care of everything for them. I expected that was a curse parents everywhere faced. We couldn’t solve all our children’s problems, no matter how much we wanted to. Hopefully this was something I could help with, however, so I sat in the chair and nodded for him to go ahead.
“There have been some discreet inquiries into the whereabouts of Aiden’s brother. Unfortunately, it isn’t that hard to trace him to this area. Nothing is going through official channels, and I was able to do a bit of backtracking to find where the inquiries are coming from,” Liam said.
“I didn’t think he would take any interest in Aiden,” I said, aggravated at myself that I had gotten it wrong.
“No, he doesn’t seem to be. There’s absolutely no mention of Aiden anywhere, and no one appears to be looking for him. The search is only for his brother, who vanished. We know he’s dead, of course, but there’s no body, so…” Liam shrugged.
“So people think he’s still alive. Why is that a problem?” I asked.
“You know how I’ve been trying to track the cursed grandfather through a money trail? Well, I haven’t found much, but I did find that the brother had a large amount of money transferred into his own accounts right after the grandfather supposedly died.”
