Page 66 of How to Trust a Hellhound
I laughed. “I am most definitely not ‘breaking up with you.’”
“Then how about you tell me about earlier and why you thought you should leave,” he stated.
Ah, well, this was not where I had seen the conversation going, but Josh deserved an answer. And an apology.
“I was full of nervous energy.”
Josh snorted, because I supposed that had been obvious. I gave his side a little pinch, and he giggled a bit.
“So, as I was saying, I was full of nervous energy. An itch under my skin. I get that sometimes when something is wrong. When someone needs me. There’s too much that’s up in the air, and while it’s been quiet, I don’t think that will last.”
Josh hummed, then asked, “Is that a part of being a hellhound? Knowing things ahead of time?”
“I’m an original hellhound, created in the underworld before I came topside. I have forgotten more than I remember from those early days. It’s the only way to live on the mortal plane. Did I have foresight at some point? I don’t know. Even if I did, foresight iscomplicated, because people have free will, so things can be changed.”
Josh hummed in agreement and went back to softly petting my chest. It was comforting.
“That itch, though—I think it means something has already been set in motion. Something is already happening. It can be… frustrating,” I admitted.
“Why did you think you should leave?” Josh asked.
“Mei Ume, you aren’t going to let me get away with it, are you?” I asked.
“Nope,” he said. “Tell me.”
I sighed. “I didn’t want you to be afraid of me. I didn’t want to trigger you with my nervous energy.”
Josh leaned up on my chest and looked in my eyes. “You know that I trust you, right?” he asked.
“Of course I know that, but—” I began.
“No. No buts. I know that no matter how upset or anxious you get, you wouldn’t hurt me. Might I occasionally flinch or curl up when someone is mad? Yeah, sometimes I find myself doing it,” Josh admitted. “My brain doesn’t even process it; my body reacts first. Do you think less of me for that?”
“Mei Ume, I could never think less of you. You are strong and resilient, and a flinch does not change that.”
“Ok,” Josh said. “So if it doesn’t change who I am, then it definitely doesn’t change who I know you are. It’s just my body reacting, but my brainknowsyou wouldn’t hurt me. My body knows that, too, and if given the option, I’ll curl up in your arms at every opportunity. You make me feel safe and cared for, Wilder.”
“I understand, Josh. Thank you,” I said, leaning up to kiss his lips.
He gave me a peck and then backed up. “Do you? Because if the option is having you here or not having you here, no matter how angry or upset you are, I willalwayschoose having you withme. I would help you through your anger or nerves, just like you’ve helped me. You can lean on me, just like I know I can lean on you.”
I rubbed my hands against Josh’s arms and stared into his beautiful eyes. Hewasstrong and resilient, and it was part of what I loved about him. He was right, though. By thinking to hide my pain from him, I had done him a disservice.
“Forgive me, Mei Ume. You’re right. You are my partner, my helpmate, and I know you can bear my burdens with me, just as I can bear yours with you.”
“It’s not just that Ican, Wilder. Iwantto bear your burdens with you. I love you.” He stared down at me, his eyes searching mine as he said those words.
“I love you, too, Josh,” I answered. “More than you can possibly imagine.”
Our mouths eased together, and we kissed leisurely, our tongues tracing each other’s lips, our hands gently touching wherever they could reach. Josh was resting on top of me, and his weight was a warm, comforting presence, his smell surrounding me and entering into my very soul.
I eased him away eventually, because I still had more to tell him.
“Josh, you are my mate,” I finally said.
He looked down at me, his head tilted slightly to the side.
“Like Dexter and Toby? And Liam and Q? And Aiden and Atlas?” he asked.
