Page 10 of Rhymes with Metaphor
Martin blinked awake.“What’s happened?”
“We’ve got to go to Juliet’s place!But before we do, you’ve got to call her and stop her from having a shower.Stop everyone in that house from having a shower.”
“Have I lost my mind?”said Martin.“Or have you?”
“No, listen,” said Reg, taking hold of Martin by the shoulders.“I did something in their bathroom at the party.”
“What?”
“Shit.”
“You could have let me assume that.”
“Not that.”Reg explained how he’d ended up in the shower at the party.
“Whydid you write in her shower?”
“I had no choice.Her lipstick broke!”
“What?”Martin looked hard at Reg’s mouth.
“Oh!”said Reg.He fumbled in his pocket for the toilet paper, lifted it out, and arranged it along Martin’s coffee table, poring over it as though it were the Shroud of Turin.
“I can’t make it out,” said Reg.“What does it say?”
Martin squinted.“Shmwwooo...blobby...smear.”
“It’s useless,” said Reg.“The good stuff is in Juliet’s shower, but only if no one runs any water.You must call her.Now.”
“I can’t call hernow,” said Martin.“It’s too soon.I’ll seem needy.I have to play it cool.I have to wait a day at least.”
“We can’t risk leaving it that long.You have to call her.Tell her everything.”
“I will not tell Juliet you need to read the soap scum on her bathroom wall.She’ll think I have a weird friend.”
“You do.”
“I know that, but I’m not ready forherto know that.I need to ease her into it by showing her how normal I am over the course of a couple of weeks at least.”
“Can’t you ease her into it in the next ten minutes, before my ‘Kubla Khan’ dissolves?”
“It’s too soon.She’ll assume I’m weird by proxy.”
“It’s likely she already knows.Her little brother spotted me in the bathroom writing this with her lipstick until it broke.”
“You ruined her lipstick as well?No no no.Wait—are you sure it was Juliet’s lipstick?What if it was the housemate’s?”
“As it wasn’t purple, I think it’s safe to assume it wasn’t Abigail’s.”
“Oh god,” said Martin.“What else did you do?”
“I interfered with her eyebrow pencil.”
“Not sexually?”
“Literarily.”
“Literarily or literally?”
