Page 46 of Benga's Rise
I cry then call Seren.
~*~
Victory holds my hand while I cry. “I don’t get why he’d leave. He said he was interested and walked away?”
“Because L. stayed alone and didn’t know my family, but he wasn't alone, Peter was in and out, mostly in. He slept in the afternoons so he was there until I got home.”
Seren nods. “Peter didn’t talk to him though. You said he never spoke to him.”
“He didn’t, but he was there in case something happened.”
Freedom has been quiet until now. “What exactly did Raid say. Spill all of it at one time so we aren’t trying to piece shit together.”
I tell them everything he said. Freedom stands up. “He’s right and you need help. How the fuck don’t you see that you could have left? That’s not a life for Leo. With your job, you could have rented a place in town and lived well and happy. Leo would have had friends and people around him. Raid gave you ways to stop and think and now you’re blaming him. What hashedone besides state the obvious?”
“You think I did all this too?” Did I do what Raid said and give Peter power over me?
“No, and that’s not what Raid said. You made mistakes, but that isn’t the point he was making. He kept telling you he was interested and you need to let go of blaming Peter for your life so you can move on to a life with him. You’re purposely skewering his words. Because I agree with him, you’ll blame me next.”
I shake my head. “I’m not blaming you, but I didn’t cause all this. I had to work.” They know I never stop. They laughed about it when we were younger.
Seren shakes her head no. “I think the point is you didn’t cause it, but you allowed more to happen. If you don’t own the part you had control over, you’ll never be ready for another man in yours or Leo’s life. I think Raid is right too. We have lived here the whole time and instead of leaving the dick when he hit on me, you hid Leo and yourself from us. We’ve always been willing to help. I told you that in the coffee shop.”
She told me? “You did. Oh, my God. You did. I was so embarrassed and ashamed. I should have asked for help. Do you agree with Raid too?” I ask Victory.
She looks sad but nods. “I do. I don’t think you were ready to hear it and he’s blunt, but I agree. He noticed something I didn’t. You lived through abuse and don’t know how to ask for help. He tried to show you that, but he’s a man and they’re not very tactful. Whether you’re with Raid or not, you and Leo need help. Leo hasn’t lived a very normal life. Hiding his life from you could be bad. He was in a gang. That’s pretty bad.”
Oh, my God. “I need help.”
“About fucking time. Seren, you still know that therapist?” Freedom is not very tactful either.
Seren pulls her phone. “Yeah, I’ll get her on the phone.”
