Page 20 of Married for a Highland Debt
“Thank you,” she breathed, hoping that he would smile again, but he did not, merely nodding in acknowledgment.
“I have a meeting with my estate manager,” he informed her, “then some tenants to visit, so I may not be back ’til late. I will call if I need you.” Then he turned his back and walked away, leaving her to stare after him, perplexed.
She wondered if it was always going to be like this, with their only point of contact being their rather sterile lovemaking. She had told herself she could endure it and that the comfort and ease of her life would make up for the lack of love, but she was beginning to doubt that it was possible.
Bettina did not see Ninian for the rest of the day, but he came to her that night.
“Are you awake?” he asked her as he climbed into bed with her.
Bettina could feel that he was already naked, and his skin was cold.
“Have you been working all this time?” she asked, amazed. He was a laird. Surely he had people to do his work for him while he spent time with his new bride?
“Yes,” he replied tersely. “Open your legs, Bettie.” He kissed her once before thrusting inside her, and the whole thing was over in minutes.
“Goodnight,” he said, and gave her another perfunctory brush of his lips on hers before climbing out of bed and leaving the room.
Bettina lay for a long while, numb. She had suddenly realized that the only love she would ever have would be that of a child, and there was only one way that could be achieved. Suddenly she made up her mind. He might not be in love with her now, but somehow she would make him love her, and she would try to do the same with him.
10
Ninian woke up the next morning with a headache and a feeling of oppression hanging over him. His eyes felt gritty, and although the day had barely begun, he was irritable for no apparent reason. He washed, dressed, and went down to the dining room, hoping that a hearty breakfast would cheer him up.
“Ninian!” Alison, who had been sitting enjoying her breakfast of eggs, bacon, and bannocks, looked up as he came in and smiled widely at him, then her face grew solemn as she saw the expression on his face. “You look as if you just stepped on a thistle. Come and tell me about it.”
Ninian filled his plate but did no more than toy with his food for a while before looking up and speaking to his aunt.
“She deserves better than me, Auntie,” he sighed. “Better than a man who has been used by another woman. She is so lovely, and I am treating her like a broodmare.” His cheeks flushed when he thought of the things he could never tell his aunt.
When he thought of Bettina, his manhood hardened with desire, so much so that he had to pleasure himself at night to find release. However, when he saw her glorious, naked body and realized how easily he could let himself be taken in by her charms, he immediately put up a defensive wall to shield himself from her. He deliberately made their coupling no more than a functional affair, with no emotion involved.
“I constantly remind myself of what Margaret did to me,” he went on, “but she is not Margaret. I have to think of her as a means to an end and not let my heart be involved.”
“Do you love her?” Alison asked shrewdly as she studied him with the penetrating gaze that always made him squirm.
“I like her,” he answered. “But I will never again let my heart be hurt by a beautiful woman, and I must remind myself of that every time I see her.”
“Why?” Alison asked, shrugging. “You can get a child with her and take pleasure in it. The end result will be the same.”
“I know,” he agreed. “But if I stay at a distance and she walks away, I will not be torn apart.”
Alison watched her normally ravenous nephew spoon little morsels of food into his mouth. At last, she said: “You are a fool, Ninian. Bettina is a diamond, and you are treating her like a pebble, all because of the memory of a woman who is not worthy to kiss your feet.” She stood up. “If you don’t want that food, give it to someone who does.” Then she swept out of the room, leaving Ninian with a full plate and a guilty conscience. He began to eat but abandoned his half-empty plate when Bettina walked in.
“Good morning!” she said brightly. “Is it not a wonderful day?”
“Indeed it is,” he agreed. Bettina was wearing a sensible dark brown linen dress that should have looked drab but which flattered her figure better than a silk evening gown would have done. He dropped his gaze to his plate as she sat down beside him, then began to push his eggs around his platter again.
He took a deep breath. “Bettina, I know that what happened yesterday was not your fault, but I do not wish to have such a confrontation with my servants again.” He frowned, then looked up at her. “Remember why you are here. If such a thing happens again, come to me, and I will discipline the person concerned.”
“I see,” she said through clenched teeth. “I am to be seen and not heard, like a dutiful wife. And in bed at night, I am expected to be still and let you do as you wish with me so that I can become pregnant with your child.”
“That was our agreement, as you remember,” he reminded her. “No love from either of us, merely duty.”
“That is true,” she agreed, “but that was before I realized that you were, in fact, as cold as the Cairngorm mountains. This morning my monthly courses arrived, so I am not with child. Do not come near me for the next week, Ninian, for you will find my door locked.”
All of this was a lie, but Bettina could not bear the thought of him touching her at present. Her earlier plan to make him love her was an impossible dream.
She swallowed a bannock and a lump of cheese, then poured herself a glass of ale, momentarily contemplating throwing it in his face before thinking better of it, then drank it down in one draft before leaving the room. She quickly composed herself, pinning a smile on her face. It would not do to let the servants know something was amiss.
