Page 26 of Married for a Highland Debt
For a moment, he did not see her, and she was able to observe him when he was unaware of her presence. He was bent over a ledger, a frown of concentration on his face with its high cheekbones, long aquiline nose, and firm, full mouth. His corn-blond hair was shining golden in the sunlight, and she wanted to plunge her hands into its thick mass as she had done before, just to feel its silkiness between her fingers.
The hand in which he held the quill was long-fingered with prominent knuckles, and he was writing faster than anyone she had ever seen, almost as if he was attacking the parchment. She took in the breadth of his shoulders and chest, then sighed, and that was when he became aware of her.
“May I speak with you?” Bettina begged. “Ninian, please let me try to explain. I defended you.”
“You doubted me,” he replied, not looking up from his account books. “Please go away, Bettina. I am busy, and I have no time to listen to you. You are no more than a means to an end for me. I will visit you for as long as it takes to get you with child, then you will not see me again. I will give you every comfort a wife is due so that you are satisfied with your life.”
“I cannot be satisfied with a life that has no love in it!” she yelled.
“You have the love of your father and your sister,” he said calmly, not looking up from his books.
“That is not the same, and you know it.” Her voice was calm.
“You knew what to expect when you married me,” he growled. “Now, will you please leave, Bettina? I really do have matters that require my attention.” He looked up. Bettina had never seen his eyes so cold and devoid of feeling.
“Perhaps I will go back to my father for a while,” she said sadly. “His lodgings are not big enough to be comfortable, but it is warmer—in every sense of the word. Goodbye, Ninian.”
“Goodbye,” he replied coldly. “Close the door behind you.”
Bettina took one last look at his unyielding expression and left. She went straight to her chamber and packed a bag, stuffing it full to bursting with all the clothes she would need for a long stay. She would not be caught unawares as she had been last time when she had not taken enough spare clothing with her since she had no idea how long she would have to stay this time. Perhaps it would be forever.
“Bettie!” Kairstine came running into her chamber, her face a mask of dismay. “Angus told me he saw you running out of Ninian’s office looking very upset.” She gazed at the clothing strewn on the bed still waiting to be packed. “What is happening? Where are you going?”
“I am going home, Kairstine,” Bettina replied. “I am afraid I cannot stand living with Ninian any longer. When he is not furious, he is utterly indifferent to me. I cannot do a single thing right for him. He...he comes to me at night to do his duty, then he leaves and I almost never see him again until the next night. When he is in my bed, he never speaks to me, never kisses me, just does what he has to do, and leaves. I cannot live this way any longer.”
“And where will I go, Bettie?” Kairstine asked plaintively. “I am only here because you are.”
“I am going to make an arrangement with Da,” she replied. “Kairstine, I do not think Ninian will throw you out, but if you would rather come with me, I will welcome you. What about Angus, though?”
Kairstine swallowed and raised her chin defiantly. “What about him?” she asked, avoiding Bettina’s eyes. “My family comes first, Bettie. It always will.”
“But you like Angus,” Bettina pointed out. “And he likes you.”
“Then he will have to like me from a distance,” Kairstine said, trying to sound nonchalant. “My sister’s happiness comes before his.”
“I feel dreadful,” Bettina admitted. “I do not want to come between you, Kairstine.”
Kairstine shrugged. “If he likes me enough, he will come and see me.”
“At least go and say goodbye,” Bettina begged her.
“I will,” Kairstine answered. She was trying to look nonchalant and uncaring, but Bettina was no fool. Kairstine was hurting just as much as she was.
“Gus!” Kairstine cried as she ran up to him. “I need to speak with you.”
He was standing at his post by the main entrance and smiled widely as he saw her, but the smile faded as he saw the obvious distress on her face. This was not the woman who had led him on a merry chase, teasing him and playing hard to get while he burned for her and dreamed about her every night.
“What is it, wee one?” he asked as he caught her by the shoulders. Although he would have loved to pull her into his arms, he was not permitted to do so while in uniform, so he could only stand and watch while tears of misery rolled down her cheeks.
“I have to go,” she sobbed. “Bettie is leaving the castle, so I must go too.”
“But she is the laird’s wife!” he protested. “Mistress of the castle. Is the laird chasin’ her away?”
“It is a long story and best told in private, Gus,” she answered. “I wanted to say goodbye to you.”
“Dae ye nae want tae see me again?” he asked, and Kairstine was surprised to see the genuine emotion in his face.
“Of course I do.” She shrugged helplessly. “But I do not have a horse of my own, and I cannot always rely on others to bring me here.”
