Page 29 of Married for a Highland Debt
“Why? What else have I done wrong?” she asked sarcastically. “Have I said something? Done something? Not said something? Please leave me in peace, Ninian.” She turned away, but he caught her arm and pulled her close to him.
“I have come to say sorry, Bettie.” His voice was grim but sad. “I have treated you very badly, and I want to make it up to you in some way. Will you talk to me?”
“I will listen to you, although I cannot promise to be satisfied with what you say,” she answered warily. “But please speak.”
“Not in the kitchen, please,” he said, smiling. “Outside in the sun.”
“I was working, and I have to finish what I was doing,” she replied firmly.
At once, his expression darkened, but she stared fixedly at him for a moment, then turned her back on him again. “Do not tell me what to do, Ninian. I am your wife, not your servant.”
“You are right,” he sighed. “Please finish what you are doing.”
“Thank you,” Bettina dropped onto the floor again and began to scrub it, and Ninian watched her, admiring her industry.
Bettina did nothing by halves; if a task was worth doing, it was worth doing properly, and she held to that, even with something as simple and menial as washing the floor.
She was acutely aware that he was watching her and that he disapproved of what she was doing, but he was holding his tongue. He had obviously come to make peace with her, but Bettina had made up her mind that it would be peace on her own terms, and Margaret, who had been an unwanted third party up to that moment, would cease to be a part of their relationship. She stood up and went outside to the well to wash her hands and face, then she dried them and turned to him. “Say what you have to say, M’Laird.” Her voice was firm with an edge of irritation.
“My name is Ninian,” he reminded her.
“I know what it is,” she said coolly, “but just at this moment, I choose not to use it.”
“Why not?” He was baffled.
“Because I have always tried to treat you with respect, even when you did not deserve it,” she answered. “I considered it a privilege to use your given name when everyone else called you by your official title, but no more. Now I will call you what everyone else does. I will no longer come crawling back to you, M’Laird. You have apologized to me before, and I forgave you, but that will not happen again.” She came to a halt, watching him from under her brows.
Why did I not notice what a wonderful woman she is?he asked himself, then realized that he had noticed, but because of the poisonous machinations of his former wife, he had been so angry that he had overlooked it. “You are right,” he answered. “I have done you much harm, Bettie, but that will stop.”
“One more thing,” Bettina went on, blushing furiously. “When you came to me on our wedding night, I thought that something beautiful had begun, but then you withdrew from me. You treated me as if I was a...a thing. I thought that when couples were married, they were tender with each other, but I confess that I feel used.”
“My fault again,” he sighed. “You are right, Bettie, and I was foolish. I was beginning to think that I could have some regard for a woman again when Margaret came back.” Agitated, he paced the length of the kitchen and came back to her side. “Do you have any whiskey?”
She shook her head. “The monks keep it for medicinal purposes, and even if I had any, I would not give it to you. You have had some already; you reek of it.”
Ninian dragged his hands back through his hair in a gesture of agitation, then turned to her again. “It is easy to relapse into bad habits,” he agreed with a faint smile. “That first night, I thought things between us were going to be magical, then I started to remember Margaret and how hurt I was when she left. I tried to tell myself that you were not her, but when you left the first time, it was easy for me to tell myself that all women were the same—faithless—so when you came back, I decided that I would build a wall around my heart. You were here to give me an heir, and that was all.”
“Like a broodmare,” Bettina said bitterly.
“Yes.” Ninian put his head between his hands. “To my shame, I used you like that, Bettie. Then Margaret came back, and I fell right into her trap. I became so angry that I lashed out at everyone, including you. I think I believed that if I had had my heart broken, then everyone else should too. I will say sorry as often as you wish me to, but it will never be enough, I know.”
Bettina watched him carefully as he stood up and made for the door to let himself out. “Wait,” she said softly.
He turned around and gave a great sigh of thanks as Bettina wrapped her arms around him and laid her head against his chest.
“Will you come home with me?” he whispered.
“Let me think about it,” she answered. “I want to, Ninian, but I want to be your wife this time, not just a vessel for your seed. I may be naïve, or inexperienced or stupid, but your aunt told me there is more between a man and a woman than that.”
“And she is right,” he replied as he kissed her softly. He withdrew for a moment, then kissed her again more deeply, prising her lips open and thrusting his tongue into her mouth.
She responded with her own, tangling it with his. She moaned and pressed herself close to him, feeling his arousal against her belly, and felt herself respond with a sweet ache and a pool of moisture between her legs.
“We must go home,” he whispered as they drew apart. “You can ride with me, Bettie. I can tell you all the things I am going to do to make you fall in love with me.”
I am already in love with you,Bettina thought, and was shocked to realize that it was true. She shook her mind back to reality. “I have to fetch Kairstine, pack my bags, and—look!” She pointed through the door to where the rain had begun to fall in great sheets. “You cannot ride home in that!”
Ninian wrapped his arms around her waist. “Oh, what a pity,” he sighed, biting her earlobe gently. “I will have to stay with you.”
