Page 28 of Dirty Little Secret
THIRTEEN
REIGN
There are times in life when you experience loss. And when you lose someone you love, it feels like the air has been ripped from your lungs, and you’re left behind to slowly suffocate to death.
That’s what it felt like earlier when we almost lost our girl.
And then there are other times when loss feels like a blessing. A strange kind of relief that rids your life of all that was old and rotten, to make way for something better and new.
But when the police officer stood at my door, informing my brother and me that just two hours before our father had been killed in a hit-and-run, it didn’t make me feel anything at all. There was no sadness, no pain, or despair for the man who gave meand my brother life, as I stood back watching our Savannah cradle her mother in her arms, while Kale, Jackson, and I thanked the officer and closed the door.
It was a long night of back-and-forth questioning with the police, as they investigated whether we could think of anyone who might have held a grudge against Kalvin. Unless they were prepared to write the names of every person he’d ever been associated with in their little black notebook, they were wasting their time.
Kale took Karina down to the coroner’s office to identify his body, and when they returned, they all went in separate directions. Kale went straight to his bedroom, and Karina and Savannah bunked together in Savannah’s room because Karina couldn’t bring herself to sleep in the bed she and Kalvin shared. Not just because he died, but because of how they left things when he walked out on her earlier.
We all tried to tell Karina that he wasn’t thinking straight, that he didn’t mean what he said to her, but she knew that he did. She also knew that her little outburst in our defense was going to cost her when he got home, and there isn’t a single doubt in my mind that he would have hurt her. Now that he’s dead, he’llnever hurt her again.
Savannah hasn’t spoken a word to any of us or even looked in our direction. It would make this night a whole lot better if she’d just forgive us and move on. But she’s with her mom, and she needs her right now.
And then there’s me. Lying here in my bed, staring up at the ceiling—it isn’t helping me shut my fucking mind off. All I can think about is how our Little Viper feels in my arms, how sweet she tastes, and the sounds she makes when she’s about to come.
I think I lost that tonight, and the hole in my chest put there by the mere thought of her no longer being ours has me all up in my head. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never meant for her to feel like we had betrayed her, and I sure as fuck didn’t mean for her to feel like she lost us the minute our identities were revealed.
A knock sounds at my door, and my heart skips a beat, hoping it’s my baby girl, but when the door opens, the hallway light that trickles in is bright enough for me to make out who it is. I slump back against my pillows, equal parts thankful that he came, and wishing he didn’t have to see me like this. All strung out and fucking depressed at this whole situation with Savy.
“Fuck, okay. Tell me that you wish it weresomeone else standing here, without telling me.” Jax’s dry ass joke does nothing, and I know he’s only trying to make me laugh. He usually always does, but I just don’t have it in me tonight. With a sigh, he walks in, leaving the door slightly ajar, and sits on the edge of the bed, staring down at me.
“I know that you and Kale hated him, but he was still your father,” he says quietly, his voice soft and comforting.
I scrub a hand down my face and grumble in frustration.
“I don’t even care that he’s dead,” I admit. I feel like a piece of shit for feeling nothing, but I just don’t. Call it shock or whatever, but I just don’t.
“A part of you does care, but it’s buried beneath all the pain and PTSD.”
I shake my head. “I feel numb, and all I can think about is how we fucked up. Savy has pulled so far away from us, and I can’t guarantee that we’ll ever get her back.”
“She’s ours, Reign. She may not be ready to admit that shit yet, but she will be soon once she processes everything. We are never letting her go. She knows this.”
“Jackson, has it ever occurred to you that now Kalvin is dead, she’s no longertied to us? Have you thought about the fact that she never has to set foot in this house again if she doesn’t want to? Her pin won’t mark this house on the map anymore if her mother leaves, and sure, we could follow her around like shadows, but the tie that pulled us together is disintegrating as each minute passes that she’s not here with us.” I clear the lump in my throat and look away, hating that I feel so fucking helpless when it comes to Savannah.
“Baby,” Jax says softly. He raises his hand and slowly glides his fingertips across my cheek. “You’re thinking too many thoughts at once. Let’s just focus on what we can control. Stay here in the now with me. As long as we have each other, we can handle anything. I know the thought of losing her is gut-wrenching, but you’ve always got me, love.” His fingers catch the tear I didn’t even know was falling down my cheek.
His thumb pauses at the corner of my mouth, then traces a slow line across my lips. When he reaches my bottom lip, he presses on it just enough to pull it down. “You have no idea what you do to me, Reign Jagger.” His low voice pierces me right through the chest, and it hits me that I don’t think I could survive in a world without Jackson Graves in it.
“Losing her would be the greatest tragedy, Jax. But losing you would be soul-destroying.” That's all I get to say before his mouth is on mine. My heart pounds loudly in my ears as my every nerve awakens with the taste of his mouth. His tongue tangles with mine as we lean into each other, desperate to feel every broken piece of us.
His hands reach out to tug off my shirt, and our lips reluctantly part as we throw it to the floor. His hands are immediately on my body, as he looms over me, trailing kisses along my jawline, then along my neck, before hovering over my ear.
“I want you, baby.”
“Then have me. Until the day you realize I’m no good for you… I’m yours. Always.” His mouth is back on mine in an instant, then he quickly pulls away as he pushes me back against my pillow. He looms over me, the hallway light highlighting the contours of his delectable body. I reach out and trace the matching ink the three of us share, etched across his heart.
Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours.
We will always belong to him, my brother and I, and he will always belong to us.
Together forever, with no exit.
