Page 31 of Dirty Little Secret
Not to him.
I know he knows I love him, but I've never said it out loud until now. With everything that's happened tonight, knowing that we may have lost the love of all our lives has done something to me.
“Say it again,” he whispers in uncertainty, wearing a look that I can only assume is shock and admiration.
“I love you, Jackson. I know I've never said it, and I'm sorry. But, baby, I don't want to live another fucking moment without you knowing how much you mean to me.” Before I can get another word out, he presses his lips to mine in a soft, claiming kiss, then he pulls back. His eyes dart between mine, and the corner of his mouth tilts into a half smile.
“I have been in love with you since we were kids,baby. You know that I love you. You are everything to me.”
“You already know that I love you.” This comes from a groggy Kale, and we both chuckle because he’s never held back where his feelings are concerned. Kale has always worn his heart on his sleeve, and I’ve lost count of how many times I wish I were more like my brother.
Our father wasn’t good to us, and with his controlling and abusive tendencies, I didn’t want him to send Jackson away. If he knew the truth of our relationship, taking Jax away from us is the first thing our father would have done, and Kale and I wouldn’t have survived it.
We’d have never seen Jackson again, and who knows what would have happened to him? We would have been forced to live our lives without him, and that would have been our punishment for being in love.
We might have had money, a good house, and a good education, but our home was still fucking broken.
We didn’t have love.
Not until Jackson and Savy.
I know that I’m selfish, but I couldn’t risk losing Jackson. And I know thathe understood, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t stop the guilt I feel for holding back with him all these years.
There’s only one thing missing in my life now, and I’ll spend every fucking second I have left on this miserable planet proving to Savannah that we are worth it. I’ll show her that, while our love might be messy and unique, it’s fucking real, and it’s hers if she wants it.
Savannah Carter is ours, and we are hers, and we won’t ever let her go.
FOURTEEN
SAVANNAH
Guilt.
That's all I felt as they placed my stepfather's coffin into the Jagger family crypt, sealing him behind stone forever. My mother is completely broken, and I don't think she'll ever recover from this.
Kale and Reign stand off to the side, accepting condolences from their father's business associates, while Jackson stands beside my mom, offering her the support that she needs as she says her final goodbyes to her husband.
I did this.
I selfishly made last week’s dinner about myself, and even though I won't miss my stepfather, it doesn't change the facts.
He’s dead because of me.
I haven't spoken more than a sentence to the guys since that night, and it's eating me up inside. I didn't realize they would play such an important role in my happiness, even before the masks. Now that their father is gone, I won’t blame them if they never forgive me.
I wanted the men behind the masks to be them so fucking bad that I didn't stop to think about what things would be like if it were actually true. When I saw Kale’s mask, I felt like I had been stripped and laid bare, and I wasn't at all prepared for it. I felt everything all at once, and I couldn’t shake the part of me that thought that by learning their true identities, I'd have to choose between Jackson and my stepbrother’s, or the men behind the masks, and I didn’t want to lose either.
That’s why it hurt.
Because I had fallen in love with all of them, and I jumped to conclusions as I always do, panicking because I thought I’d lose them forever.
“Savannah, honey, it’s time to go.” My mother’s voice startles me, and I turn to face her. “We’re all headed back to the house for Kalvin’s wake, would you like to ride with us?” My eyes flick to my grandparents, waiting for us in their car, but the last place I want to be right now is the housewhere this whole mess started. I don’t deserve to celebrate the life of the man whose death is on my hands.
“Mom. I’m so sorry.”
“Oh, Savannah!” She pulls me into a warm hug, then draws back to look into my eyes. “Kalvin’s accident wasn’t your fault, honey. Accidents happen to people every day, and unfortunately, that’s just a part of life. We may not have ended on the best of terms, but nothing about what happened was your fault. Please, find it within your heart to let that go, because life is way too short, Savannah. Jackson explained everything to me in a way that I’d understand, and I get it, honey, I really do. You deserve happiness no matter what that looks like for you, and I am not going to stand in your way. You are my daughter and I love you, no matter what.”
I stare at my mom, utterly perplexed. I thought she’d be against all this. I thought she’d tell me how wrong it is to be in love with her stepsons and their best friend, and blame me for ruining her family.
