“Tell me about your night.”
Was this some kind of trick?
She put her chin in her hand and waited.
“What exactly do you want to know?” I asked. Because I definitely wasn’t telling her how I’d snuck out in the first place. Yeah, this was definitely some kind of trick.
“You used to tell me everything, you know. You’d come home from school with a big smile on your face, excited to recount your whole day to me and your dad. I know that you’re older now. And maybe there are some things you don’t want to talk to your mom about. But I just...” her voice trailed off. “I’m here. Wishing you would tell me about your day again.”
Something about the way she said it made me want to cry. And the way she was looking at me like she truly did just want to hear about my night made me want to tell her every last horrible thing that had happened. It had been a terrible, no good night. And I really just needed my mom. My bottom lip started trembling again. And something inside me cracked.
“Sweetie, are you okay?” she asked.
“I had my first kiss,” I blurted out. And then I started crying. “But it wasn’t with Axel. And I really wanted it to be with him.” God, it’s all I’d ever wanted. And I’d messed everything up.
She pulled me into a hug and let me cry on her shoulder.
“Why doesn’t he love me back?”
My mom didn’t respond. She just hugged me tighter.
“It was supposed to be with him.” I didn’t want to tell her that I had no idea who I’d kissed. I was too mortified. All that mattered was that it wasn’t with Axel. And I might have been okay if I knew for sure it was with Jacob. But I didn’t remember smelling freshly cut grass. All the clues that the kiss thief left were scrambled up in my head. And I was pretty sure I’d hooked up with a drifter. I started sobbing harder.
“I know, sweetie.”
“I love him. And he’ll never feel the same way about me.” My chest hurt so much that it was hard to breathe. Axel hadn’t cared that I was giving my first kiss away. He didn’t care about me at all. And I didn’t understand how I could love him so much andhe could feel nothing in return. He’d dated so many girls. What was so wrong with me?
My mom squeezed me tight. “Sh.”
I just wanted everything to stop hurting.
I wasn’t sure how long I cried. But my mom held me until my tears dried up. And until I stopped mumbling unintelligible things. Until I wasn’t even sure why I was crying in the first place. Axel Stevens didn’t love me back. And that was the end of our story.
“You are beautiful,” my mom said and pulled back. She put her hands on both sides of my face. “And smart. And witty. And any guy...”
“Yeah, yeah,” I said with a sniffle. “And any guy who makes me cry isn’t worth my time. Yadda yadda.”
She frowned. “Hm.”
“Hm? What do you mean by that?” Why did it seem like everyone responded to me tonight withhm?
“I know exactly what you need.” She slid off her stool and opened up the freezer. She turned to me with a smile as she held up a container of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream.
“Mom, what did you mean byhm?” I wiped at my cheeks.
She grabbed two bowls and scooped some ice cream into them. She walked back over to the kitchen island and slid a bowl in front of me.
I took the spoon she handed to me. “Seriously, what did you mean byhm?”
She sat back down and started eating her ice cream, like I’d just forget the whole thing.
“Mom.”
“I just don’t think I agree with that sentiment. I was going to say that any guy would be lucky to have you.”
I took a big bite of ice cream. “So you think that a guy making me cryisa guy worth my time?” This was very bad advice from a mother.Maybe I should be talking to Dad instead...
“I just think that if you’re upset enough to cry, that means you have real feelings. And strong emotions usually do revolve around love.”