Page 55 of Escaped
Anxious energy bubbled in my belly as I approached the local café.I’d borrowed Owen’s car to drive us back to my place and, frantic to get out of her mum’s house, Chelle had been keen to meet at a pretty little bistro, but as I neared the door, my pace slowed.I was excited to see my friend again, especially after convincing myself I’d lost her to the snow, but my growing apprehension about how she’d receive my new romance scratched at the eager emotion.I wanted her to be happy for me, but deep down, I suspected she’d feel otherwise.
Because I wasn’t happy for her and James.
My brow creased at the comparison.It was true, I hadn’t liked James, but I had been prepared to try and get on with him for Chelle’s sake.I could only hope she didn’t blame Eli for James’ demise, and that she’d be prepared to do the same for me.Ultimately, I wanted my friend and my lover to get along.
Peering inside the small establishment, I noticed her in the corner, hugging a coffee cup to her chest.Seeing me, she raised a hand, but the smile on her lips seemed insincere.
It’s just my imagination.Chiding myself, I opened the door and walked inside.Stop contriving her disdain.She doesn’t even know about Eli yet.
“Chelle!”With a racing heart, I hurried toward her and embraced her as she rose to her feet.
“Hey, Erin.”Untangling from my hug, she gestured for me to take the seat opposite her.“It’s good to see you.I was so sorry to hear about your mum.How was the funeral yesterday?”
“Thanks.”My mind flitted back as I sank onto the uncomfortable wooden chair.The funeral had been long and tiring, but at least Owen and I had done our mum justice.In the haze of my feelings for Eli and everything else that had transpired, I hadn’t even started to process her loss yet.Who knew when I would be able to?“It was difficult, but it’s done now.I’m ready to start moving forward.”
With Eli.
I held back the final two words but sensed them there on the tip of my tongue, the truth burning inside me.Chelle was my best friend.The woman who, until recently, I’d disclosed everything to.It seemed absurd that I didn’t feel able to share something as special as falling in love, but sitting across the table, I sensed that invisible, energetic barrier preventing me from telling her about Eli.
“I wish I could move forward.”Collapsing onto her seat, she reached for her drink just as the server arrived.
“Can I get you anything?”The young woman directed the question at me, and scanning the list quickly, I ordered a green tea.
“Anything else for you?”the server asked Chelle.
“No, thanks.”Chelle pushed her cup away.“I’ve had too much caffeine already, and I have to go around to James’ mum’s later to look at floral arrangements for the service.”
“It’s good that his family is involving you.”I watched her reactions carefully.
“Yeah.”Her lips curled.“Miriam has been lovely.I’d only met her once before this, but she can tell how much I loved him.”
“How are you feeling now?”I probed, eager to draw the discussion from the sole subject of James.“Any long-term effects from the hypothermia?”
“The doctors want to keep an eye on my heart.”She sighed, clearly despondent.“I’m not worried about me anyway.There doesn’t seem much point in me going on now without James.”
“Oh, honey.”Hearing her speak that way tore at me inside, and reaching across the table, I grabbed her hand.“Don’t say that.I’m here for you, and so is your family and your other friends.You’re not on your own.”
She scoffed, as if the idea of anyone else’s affection was redundant by comparison to James’.Sitting there, I wondered if she was recalling the loss of another man I’d never met.The pig-headed narcissist I’d encountered was far from someone I’d miss.The James I knew had been rude, insolent, and arrogant.“It’s not the same.If you’d ever been in love, then you’d understand that.”
Recoiling at her snipe, I turned away, pretending to focus on the blackboard of daily specials.I knew Chelle was hurting and that lashing out at me was probably a coping mechanism, but the knowledge didn’t do much to console me.
“I’m sorry.”Yanking her hand from mine, she gripped the handle of her near-empty cup.“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“You’re upset,” I reasoned as I turned back to her.“But as it happens, I might understand more about love than you realize.”
I hadn’t intended to divulge my feelings for Eli quite so early in the conversation, but if she was going to be a bitch by inferring I couldn’t understand what it meant to love and lose, then perhaps it was better that I just cut to the chase.Despite her apology, her comment seemed insensitive, especially after I’d only just buried my mother.I understood loss better than she was choosing to acknowledge.I’d pulled the bloody trigger that had probably sent Hawkins to his grave, and while he’d deserved what he got, I recognized that I’d lost a piece of myself in that bunker—a piece of the soul I hadn’t even realized existed until his bullet had pierced it.
“Oh?”Her tone was disbelieving.“What do you mean by that?”
“I’ve met someone.”I paused, my pulse sprinting as I considered my next words.I’d been friends with her since we were children, but I was starting to wonder if I’d outgrown her.I accepted she was struggling with her grief, so why wasn’t she paying me the same courtesy?“And I think I’m in love with him.”
Once more, I was struck by the odd irony of my words.Not so long ago, she’d told me the same about her feelings for James, and the skepticism oozing from her on the other side of the café’s table reminded me of how I’d received that news.
“In lovewith him?”She snorted.“Hang on.When would you have had time to meet someone and fall in love?You’ve been stuck in the wilderness, and then with Owen, arranging your mum’s funeral.”
“I met him in Niantes.”My gaze was fixed on Chelle as the server presented me with my pot of green tea.
“Thank you,” I murmured in response without looking up at the younger woman.
