Page 46 of One Night with Mr. Darcy
“Oh, Lord, Elizabeth, I am not young. I shall never marry.”
“You could,” Elizabeth said.
“I’ve given up entirely on such thoughts,” said Charlotte. “I never think of the possibility, not at all.”
“Well, I am already married, so I cannot be wooed by anyone!”
Charlotte furrowed her brow. “True. That is a bit of a problem, isn’t it?”
“Can you imagine the scandal? Men can’t go around wooing women before they are widows. This is the last thing I need as I’m trying to establish myself as the mistress of this house. I can’t believe he would do this to me.”
“Mr. Darcy, you mean?” Charlotte raised her eyebrows. “How do you feel about Mr. Darcy now? Do you dislike him as ever?”
“I don’t know him,” said Elizabeth.
“Oh, come now, Elizabeth, he is as familiar with William as if—”
“Well, he only met him once!” said Elizabeth. “So, I don’t see why that should be.”
“A clandestine meeting wherein you introduced him to your son,” said Charlotte. “Did you hear him, saying he would be a papa to him? What sort of man says such a thing? Is it because he is so eager to get the estate away from you, do you think? Or do you believe that it is simply his regard for you? Think, Lizzy, him pining away for you for all these years. It’s like a novel.”
“It’s exactly like a novel,” agreed Elizabeth. “All the infidelity and betrayal writ large.”
“You’re in love with him, too,” said Charlotte.
“Oh, Charlotte, must we speak of Mr. Darcy?”
“You don’t wish to admit it to me, because you are married, but it’s all right. You never had any true regard for Mr. Collins and we both know it. Why, he abhorred and disgusted you. That night, you were drinking so much just at thethoughtof marrying him. When I heard you had refused him, I thought you would stick to it. I thought you wouldn’t be able to bring yourself to do it. I thought… well, I had crazed thoughts that day.” Charlotte got suddenly serious, staring into her lap, where her hands were clasped.
“What sort of thoughts?”
“Nothing, nothing.” Charlotte cleared her throat. “Enough about me. It’s not about me, Lizzy. It’s always about you. And I say it’s all right if you’re in love with Mr. Darcy.”
“It’s not all right, and I am not in love with him.”
“Because you still don’t like him or because you are trying to be faithful to your marriage?” Charlotte furrowed her brow. “He is never around, your husband. You see him for what? An hour every day?”
“Less. He is always in his opium dreams when I come by. I try to time it so that he will be aware, but he seemingly is never aware,” said Elizabeth. “When he is conscious, all he does is talk about pain and ask for more laudanum. I worry he will die of the laudanum and not of whatever his underlying ailment is.”
“But if he died, maybe it would be better for everyone,” said Charlotte. “If he is in that much pain, Lizzy—”
“Oh, don’t say things like that,” said Elizabeth, for it was a horrible thing to think. “Charlotte, don’t you see? He has caught the sickness from Jane, so it is my own fault that he became ill at all!”
“Elizabeth, lots of people have come in contact with Jane and none of them are sick,” said Charlotte. “It’s not your fault at all.”
Elizabeth knew this was true, deep down, but she also felt as though she must have brought her husband’s sickness upon him in some way. It felt true, that was the only way she could explain it.
“You must be lonely,” said Charlotte. “You’ve had no one here, no one except Lady Catherine—”
“Yes, well, that is why I sent for you,” said Elizabeth. “You and Jane. I certainly didn’t wish for Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam to be following me around and attempting to court me.” She supposed it gave Mr. Darcy an excuse to stay, though, an excuse to be close to William. She could see why he’d concocted the idea. But she didn’t like it.
Anyway, it could only be temporary. Unless, of course, Mr. Darcy was counting on Mr. Collins dying off within the next few weeks or months, and then he could simply move right in, she supposed.
“Yes, I see that, but if he has really been in love with you all along,” said Charlotte, “then it seems, oh, I don’t know, not exactly, but you must entertain it. This is your second chance with him!”
Elizabeth shook her head.
“If you need someone to give you their blessing to pursue it, I give it to you.”
