Page 48 of One Night with Mr. Darcy
“I am married to another man, currently, and I can’t possibly think about marrying anyone.”
“Yes, we all know he’s going to die at any moment,” said the colonel. “I know you want to marry Darcy. But think on that, will you? He’ll want to cart you off to Pemberley, and your firstborn will always be treated without the respect he deserves, and you have this, all of this.” He gestured around at the walls and the ceilings. “He will take it from you. I shall let you retain it. Think on that, madam.”
“Colonel Fitzwilliam, I—”
“Think on it!” He chuckled. “No answers, yet. Definitely no refusals.”
“But I am telling you—”
“Now, I shall take my leave of you.” Whistling, he turned on his heel and faced the other way. Then, he went off back the way they had come.
She stared after him, utterly perturbed. What in the blazes had that been about?
GEORGIANA DARCY PICKEDnervously at the blanket that she was wrapped in. “Let’s not talk about him, if you don’t mind, Cousin Richard.”
“It happens that I do mind,” said the colonel, settling himself across from her, looking careless, but she knew it was a ruse. She knew her cousin often pretended behind the facade of his reputation, but he was a shrewd man. He was not so silly as others might think him, and she didn’t like the way he was looking at her.
“Well, there’s nothing to say,” she said. “Fitz overreacts! He hates One—”
“One? You still call him that? When he is the rector of your entire parish. You don’t address him more formally?”
“Oh, he is practically like family to me.” She shrugged and the blanket fell off and she picked it up and tugged it closer around her shoulders.
“Are you truly cold?” Richard furrowed his brow.
She felt as if she was always cold, but this was likely because she was always trying to reduce. Sometimes, she caught sight of herself in the mirror when her maid was dressing her, and she was a little bit horrified at how thin she was. Then, later, when she saw One, he’d chide her for gaining weight, saying she must try to eat even less, that she must fast and pray and wait for a sign.
She always did whatever it was that he said, of course.
And when she had thoughts that contradicted his, she felt a hot spike of worry and guilt, for that meant she was moving out of the will of God. She and One were working on a unique and specialized system of worship for her. She had been at it for a very long time now, and she never seemed to get any closer to holiness. She was hopeless, that was the way of it.
“Let’s call him Wickham,” said the colonel, his voice cold.
She shivered inside the blanket. “I don’t wish to speak of him at all. Fitz has gotten to you and told you a number of lies about him. Fitz is jealous of him, you know that! He has always been jealous—”
“What?” said Richard. “No, I don’t think so. What would he be jealous of? Look at everything your brother has compared to what Wickham has. I don’t think that’s it, Georgiana. I want to know why it is that you’re so convinced that Wickham is, well… Why are you so devoted to him?”
She worried at her lower lip with her teeth. Sometimes, occasionally, she got so thin that her gums bled. Her hair had been falling out, too. When she pointed these things out to One, asking if he was sure she should continue reducing, he’d get so very hurt.
Why is it that, no matter how much we’ve been through together, you still doubt me, Two? Don’t I love you the most of anyone? Aren’t I the only person who’s ever truly loved you?
But One seemed to take it as a given that she was devoted to him, and no one had ever really put this question to her.Whywas she devoted to him? Were there meant to be reasons for such things?
She didn’t know what to say. “He’s always been there,” she said finally. “Just like you and Fitz.”
Richard grimaced. “I see.”
“He doesn’t touch me, Richard,” she said. “You know I can’t bear it, being touched. He knows, too. He doesn’t…”
The colonel gazed at her steadily.
She hunched into her shoulders, not liking the gaze, not liking it at all. “He… he looks at me sometimes,” she found herself admitting.
Richard’s nostrils flared, but he didn’t say anything. Maybe if he had, she would have been able to stop the torrent of words that seemed to be determined to fall from her lips.
“He’s only checking to see if I’m following my diet regimen is all,” she said. “To see if I’ve reduced properly, and he can’t tell with my clothes on, so he says that I have to remove them, and it’s only about that.”
Richard let out a huff of air. He still didn’t speak, but just watched her. The expression on his face was very composed, perhaps too composed.
