Page 49 of One Night with Mr. Darcy
She began to toy with the blanket again, nervous, feeling frightened. “If he touches himself, he never lets me see it.”
A noise from Richard.
“Once, maybe,” she said with a shrug. “But he said I wasn’t ready yet, not for that, that I hadn’t proved myself to him. Never again, not after that. But I think… there is a girl from the kitchens, she says he lets her touch him there, and I wonder if he’ll ever think I’m ready, if I’ll ever have reduced enough, if I’ll—”
Richard stood up.
Her voice cut off. She huddled in her blanket, barely breathing.
“Apologies.” Her cousin’s voice was hoarse. He crossed the room and went to the window, his back to her, so that she couldn’t see his face. “I wish you to continue, Georgiana. I did not mean to interrupt you. Tell me it all. It’s all right.”
“You won’t understand it, though,” she said softly.
“Is that what he says? That other people won’t understand?”
“He is different from other men, you see. He is closer to God in that way.”
Richard reached out and clutched the windowsill. “Go on,” he said tightly. “Closer to God, you say.”
“He wouldn’t want me to tell you.” Georgiana was feeling miserable, thinking about what might happen now. It was only that… well, away from him, sometimes…
Usually, when she was there, close to him, his voice became the only voice in her head. He told her how to do everything. He had the regimen for her to follow, after all, and so every morning, she did everything according to his instructions. He had an answer for everything, so if she ever questioned, she simply called up his calm and deep and soothing voice.
But then, away from him, she started hearing him less. The regimen was disrupted. She wasn’t able to do what it was he wanted. And she heard his voice less. Sometimes, she thought of questions and there were no answers to them.
Sometimes…
“You have to promise not to do anything to him, Richard,” she said finally. “If you hurt him, it would destroy me.”
Richard let out a bitter laugh.
“Promise,” she said firmly.
“Oh, I would never do anything that would bring about your destruction, Georgiana,” he said, still staring out the window, still with his back to her. “I am one of your guardians. You can trust me, can you not?”
“Of course, cousin,” she murmured. Yes, it was foolish to think that Richard wouldn’t have her best interests at heart. Maybe… maybe if she explained it in the right way, he would understand. “Well, it’s about a purification,” she said. “God speaks to One, and I have been chosen. Other girls have been chosen as well, and we are all following the instructions sent to One by God.”
“These are instructions that mean One is supposed to see you without your clothes.” His voice was darkly sardonic.
“Yes, it’s not like that, though.”
“Ah, not with you, but with the other girl?”
“Well, only because One is under so much pressure. He needs a, erm, release, he says.”
“Oh, I’m sure he does,” said Richard, very sarcastic now.
“He won’t with me. He says I’m not ready, that I have not proved myself yet.”
“And this readiness, it’s about starving yourself?”
“No, just reducing.”
“To keep you shaped like a little girl,” he muttered.
“What?”
Richard rounded on her. “Apologies again. I am having real trouble, my dear one, and it’s not your fault, and I don’t wish to frighten you. I need to know… the other girls, the other chosen ones? How many?”
