Page 56 of One Night with Mr. Darcy
“No, he stopped it,” she said. “He is very honorable—”
“There is only so much honor can do when it comes to these sorts of things,” said Jane. “I think that there is a certain sort of person who can’t bear this. They will cling to an ideal—marriage vows are sacred—and they will be unable to accept anything to the contrary. These sorts of people, they have trouble living in the real world. The real world isn’t about ideals, you see. The good are not rewarded and the bad are not punished. Things don’t just work out.”
Elizabeth’s face fell.
“If you sit around waiting for Mr. Collins to die, I think he will probably live forever, just to spite you,” said Jane. “You must make a decision, Elizabeth. It will involve risk, and it will be messy. But you have suffered enough, and I think you deserve him now, deserve what you can have of him, that is.”
“You think I should conduct an illicit affair while still married?”
“Oh, is that not why you came to me and told me all this? Did you not wish permission?”
“You said you wanted to live vicariously through me. You are just craving the excitement. It’s easy for you. It’s not your life that will be destroyed.”
“I don’t have a life,” said Jane.
Elizabeth winced.
Jane reached out for Elizabeth’s hand and she clutched it. Her own hand was too thin and bony, and Elizabeth felt awful to think of how long her sister had languished in this half-life, how longJanehad suffered. “Lizzy, my darling Lizzy, sometimes there are only bad choices and one must simply take the least bad one, the one that at least offers some pleasure. Love matters. You don’t love Mr. Collins, and he has never loved you. I should think a life that includes love is a better life than one that doesn’t, even if it means one must do very bad things.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
GEORGIANA COUNTED OUTcoin. “I know it’s quite far to go all the way to Derbyshire, but it’s very important. Will this be enough to deliver the letter?”
The stable hand’s eyes widened. “Oh, indeed, ma’am. That’s quite—” He checked himself, clearing his throat. “Yes, I suppose I could do it for that amount. You want me to take it to the rector of the parish there, you say?”
“Yes, Mr. Wickham,” she said. “Do not break the seal. It is private. But he must know, I think.”
“Well, I’ll have it to him by the end of the day tomorrow,” said the stable hand, snatching the letter from her and all of the coin. “Never you mind, Miss Darcy.”
“Oh, and… you mustn’t tell anyone about the letter,” she said.
“Oh,” he said, eyeing her. “Really? That’s important?”
She got out another coin. “For your silence.”
“Thank you ever so, ma’am.” The stable hand took the coin.
MR. DARCY WASN’Tsure why Richard had made such a thing about preparations. He didn’t see that there needed to be any cleaning if they did the deed somewhere out of the way. They’d invite Wickham on a walk out on the vast grounds of Pemberley. They’d shoot him and bury him out there. It would be easy. They’d need shovels, but these could be procured and left somewhere easy to get to them without much trouble.
He didn’t see much reason to delay.
In truth, he was thinking about doing it alone.
Richard didn’t really need to be there, and Darcy didn’t need to involve him. Yes, this was what he needed to do. After all of the elements of his life that he had made a hash of, this one he must set to rights himself, alone.
He thought about it all through the night, and when he woke the following morning, he was determined.
He said goodbye to Georgiana, saying he would be making a short journey and that he would be back quite soon, likely that night but the following day if not. Then he went and said goodbye to Elizabeth and Willie in her bedchamber, just as she woke.
He was struck by the strong desire to take her in his arms and kiss her goodbye, but the boy was awake, and he mustn’t. He took his leave, then with only a look, one that he hoped she felt like a kiss, one that laid claim to her.
And then he was off.
He rode on horseback. He went straight through, sleeping on the ground for only five hours before taking off again. He got there in a day and a half, arriving in the midmorning on the day after he had departed. He went first to his study where he selected two pistols and loaded them both. He also took a few knives, strapping them to his ankles in their sheaths. One couldn’t always rely on guns, after all.
Then he went to the rectory.
No Wickham.
