Page 78 of One Night with Mr. Darcy
But then her bleeding came, and then her bleeding ended, and then he insisted on visiting her bed.
She submitted, though she felt a skin-crawling horror at the thought of being with the man.
Somehow, she was spared because her husband—still seemingly suffering some effects of the opium—could not become erect at all. He was angry about this, and he blamed her, saying there was something wrong with her, saying that he kept thinking about her with Mr. Darcy, saying that she was a scourge and his burden to bear.
But she could not help but be relieved at the reprieve.
She knew this could not hold off forever. He was her husband. He had his rights to her. He would eventually exercise them.
But not yet, and she was glad.
A month passed without another attempt.
By this time, Mr. Collins had insisted Colonel Fitzwilliam quit the house. There had been one letter back from Mr. Darcy, in which he agreed that they must endure for the sake of Willie, and wrote of his love for her, of his wish to be with her, of the pain he felt in their parting.
She’d wanted to keep that letter even more than the one before. She read it so many times she memorized it, and she would whisper some of the lines of it to herself before bed every night. But she fed it to the fire as well. She sent her own missive back with the colonel, just as effusive in her declarations of love.
But then there was nothing more between them.
Mr. Collins was cold to Elizabeth and never seem to notice Willie. However, he began to spend afternoons with Charlotte, who asked Elizabeth what she should do about it all.
“He comes to me and tells me all manner of things,” said Charlotte. “My first thought was to indulge him. If he can be happier, surely we are all happier.”
“Yes, we don’t want him to get it into his head that he doesn’t like your presence and send you off,” said Elizabeth. “I’m sorry for it, but I think you are right. You must indulge him.”
So, then, Charlotte and her husband were often together, taking long walks in the gardens together, and Elizabeth was constantly apologizing to her friend for having to endure such things.
Charlotte said she didn’t mind. “He is improved by his suffering in some way, Lizzy,” said Charlotte. “His struggles with the laudanum, the way he felt when he saw you with Mr. Darcy, I think he has a bit of depth he never had before.”
“You feel sorry for Mr. Collins!”
“I am only saying he is not always so haughty and self-important these days,” said Charlotte.
His illness was still present, but his symptoms were not so bad that he was confined to his bed anymore. He coughed and was short of breath at times, but he was definitely improved.
Elizabeth believed he would make a full recovery.
This was her life now.
At the end of the month, Mr. Collins returned to her bedchamber.
She steeled herself for what he would do to her, but fortune was shining upon her, and Mr. Collins still couldn’t perform.
“It’s nothing to do with the laudanum,” he spit down at her. They were naked now, and he was between her thighs, rubbing at himself with no effort. “I know I can achieve an erection. I just can’t have one for you.”
Oh,she thought.Well, how marvelous.She tried not to smile.
“It should have been Charlotte.” Mr. Collins settled back on his knees. “It’s always been Charlotte.”
Elizabeth’s eyes widened.
Mr. Collins bared his teeth. “You assaulted me on that road when I was coming from Lucas Lodge. No one has ever understood me as she does! I thought it was the will of God, that you were a test I must endure to improve my soul. But you were from thedevil. You have destroyed me, destroyed any chance of happiness I might ever have!”
Elizabeth could not believe this.
All that time ago, he’d been falling in love withCharlotte.
Imagine. Charlotte and Mr. Collins. Charlotte would have welcomed it. She only wanted a husband, any husband, even one like him.
