Page 89 of Knowing Mr. Darcy
“I want to be sure to please you is all.”
“Fitzwilliam, youpleaseme.” She reached down, prepared to begin tickling him again.
“My father used to say that one shouldn’t get too comfortable. He said that society was always looking for a reason to cast a man out, not to give society a reason.”
This was a bit of a turn in the conversation. “I’m not society, Fitzwilliam,” she whispered.
“Wives, too,” he said. “Wives are always looking for areason. My mother was gone at that point, but he said—my father—he never let her get dissatisfied.”
She dragged her hand down over his chest, hearing the way his voice changed. One could be vulnerable in the darkness in a way one couldn’t be in the light. “This reminds me of a conversation I had with Mr. Bingley once.”
He made a noise in the back of his throat. “Oh, truly? You’re thinking ofhim?”
She laughed. “Because he said that he would spend his whole life trying to earn the right to have me. It was flattering, I suppose, but I didn’t like it.”
“You didn’t?”
“No, and I don’t know if I care for it with you, either. I never realized until now why, but… I love you just as you are, don’t you see? I don’t want more from you. You don’t need to impress me. I want us to be relaxed with each other, to be us. I want us to besafewith each other, not always striving to please the other.”
“You don’t want me to please you?”
“I want you to assume you will please me,” she said. “Because you do.”
He made a noise in the back of his throat. “Ah, yes. It’s as I thought, when you did not see how alluring you were. When you thought worse of yourself than you ought. It’s the same.”
“Oh,” she said. “Now, I think I understand that from your perspective.”
“We are worthy of each other,” he breathed. “Love cannot grow when that is not a given.”
“Yes,” she said. “Not to say that we should not challenge each other or grow together or walk paths to journey together. We can inspire each other, but—”
“But we must be equals,” he said. “We must be enough for each other. If I keep trying to convince you that I’m not enough, you might start to believe me.”
“Well, I doubt that. You do have all of this.” She gestured at the darkness. “And I am mistress of it all, and that…”
“I see,” he said, kissing her below her chin. “So, it’s justabout my wealth.”
“I’m frightfully shallow in that way, husband,” she said archly.
“Mmm, yes, I do see,” he rejoined in much the same tone. “I suppose you simply stand at the top of the steps and overlook Pemberley and come.”
She snickered.
“Oh, no, you do seem to need my fingers for that.”
“Your very wealthy fingers,” she said.
“Right,” he said. “Glad we’ve cleared that up.”
“Yes,” she said. “Good to know where you stand, I imagine?”
He laughed into her skin, and she clutched him close.
And whatever they undertook together, Elizabeth found that her regard for her new husband only deepened.
Though they came from different backgrounds, he saw her as an equal, and she him. There was no reason for Mr. Darcy to raise himself to “earn” her and neither was there any reason for her to feel as if she must make up for some loss within herself.
No, they strove together. They would do this together. They were quite the perfect match.
