Page 36 of Make You Love Me
“I didn’t.”
“Yep. They started forming millions of years ago, before dinosaurs.”
“Well, I guess I should have paid closer attention in Virginia History class.”
She smiles. “Yes, you should have, but I didn’t learn that in history class.”
“Whew. I was regretting all the time I spent ogling at Marsha Blakely across the aisle.”
“Marsha, huh?”
“Red hair, blue eyes, sweet, popular, the kind of girl who volunteers for school events. She was homecoming queen our senior year.”
“Hmm. Sounds like the exact opposite of your current type.”
“Oh, yeah? What’s my current type?” I ask, then raise a hand to prevent her from answering. “Let me describe her. She’s strong. Takes no shit from anyone, especially me. She has the softest skin—the kind I can’t keep from touching to make sure she’s real. Her eyes are like melted chocolate. I could lose myself in their depths all day. Her smile lights up any room. But when that smile is because of me, I feel like the luckiest man in the world. This girl is my past, present, and future. The only one I will ever love.”
She stares at me, her mouth dropping open in shock or to say something that won’t form. I’ve never hidden how I feel at any point in either our friends with benefits or exclusive relationships. How can any of what I just said be a surprise? I’mnot one to hold back. I go after what I want, and like her, usually, I say what’s on my mind.
I shift as much as I can in my seat, expecting her to collapse into me to hide how much my words affect her. Instead, she throws open the door and stalks to the edge of the overlook.
Speechless, I watch her lean over the railing, her head down as she breathes deep. I’d give anything to go to her, hold her, and take back whatever I said to upset her. But for the life of me, I can’t figure out what that is. Her commitment issue is old news. But shouldn’t hearing someone confess their love be a happy moment? It made me happy to say it.
She’ll come around. I’m not worried. You don’t throw away a connection like ours—something that strong, that electric, that all-consuming. And when I’m healed, I’ll start working on convincing her of that forever part.
Chapter 10
Nora
Guilt, fear, and regret collide like dysfunctional fireworks inside me, suffocating and choking me the more I replay the day’s events. Kissing Jordan. Feeling my system burn for him again. Hearing him pour his sweet, forgetful heart out to me. If I can’t hold my shit together for the next five days, this lie will be my undoing.
I despise the mixed signals I’m dishing out—pretending to be his girlfriend while freaking out every time he acts like my boyfriend—making him question us both. In my defense, it’s not like I have experience with fake dating ex-boyfriends with amnesia. It’s maddening. It’s sad and so alarmingly confusing.
My heart fluttered unexpectedly when he said he’ll always love me. I’ve never had someone put me first and love me like I matter. Half of that is my fault. I push men away when they get too close. But the other is my sick, twisted childhood.
No one, no matter how strong they may be, could come away from that knowing how to deal with relationships in a healthy way. I’ve been to therapy. I know I’m fucked up, but changeis hard. Accepting love is near impossible when I’m so used to everyone I care about leaving, as if I meant nothing to them.
My father left me alone with my lunatic mother when I was an impressionable second grader. My best friend chose popularity and boys over standing by my side in front of school bullies. The person I thought would always stand by me through life after high school broke up with me because suddenly, I wasn’t good enough for his family and future. My first stepfather, who treated me like his own, protecting me and earning my trust, left without even a glance over his shoulder when my mother showed her true colors and kicked him out.
Then, there’s Jordan. He left for three tours, and each time, I resigned to never seeing him again. To never seeing him again. It happens all too often, shattering hearts, families, and hope, and I had to protect myself.
And now? That fear is no longer relevant. He’s here to stay, and the more time I spend with him, the more I question why I fight it. Why I don’t let him see all of me—the stuff below the surface and locked away behind titanium walls. But after telling him everything, would he still want me? The nature of our predicament may render that question null and void in the end. Being honest about my past may be too late once he learns I lied to him in the worst possible way.
I can’t worry about that now. I’m already neck deep on a sinking boat with no island in sight to be my saving grace. All I can do is focus on one moment at a time. I don’t know what I want beyond today, yet I’m tired of swimming. If I give this relationship all I have until it’s stripped away, maybe a shred of who we once were will survive after this boat sinks to the bottom.
Summoning the fierce badass he thinks I am, I stalk back to the car and drop into the driver’s seat. His eyes question me, and I answer by taking his face in my hands and kissing him. Our teeth clash in a demand for more, passion flaring between us asif no time has passed and no secrets loom over us. My fingers dig into his hair, and it’s appalling how much I want him. While my body has always been his, my brain is the stubborn one, usually talking me out of doing anything that could hurt later. But in giving myself to him in this rebellious detour, I can’t figure out where my heart stands on the matter.
Pulling back, almost too fast not to cause alarm, I suggest, “We should keep going.”
“Agreed.” His hand reaches for my shirt, and as much as I want him to fist it and yank it over my head, I place a hand on his chest.
“I meant we need to keep climbing this mountain.”
“If you insist.” A defeated look drops his longing eyes to my mouth as he resettles in his seat. “You never said where you learned those facts about said mountain.”
Grateful for the switch to an innocent topic, I nod toward the windshield and put the car in reverse. His eyes soon land on a large sign withBlue Ridge Mountain Factsprinted in bold letters at the top. A family stands in front of it reading the information.
“Really? You read that sign as we sat here?”
