Page 55 of Make You Love Me
Feeling the metaphorical multi-ton truck lift off my shoulders, I tug her into an embrace. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“You, Nora Jean slash Roan…” She pulls back to meet my gaze. “What was your old middle name?”
“Nope.” Shaking my head, I draw a proverbial line in the sand between us. Some things are better left in the twisted past.
“Come on,” she urges. “Best friends are good at keeping each other’s secrets. It’s in the code.”
I study her, wondering if I can even mutter it. It’s a part of me I despise and have fought so hard to bury. But she’s right. After hiding the real me from her for so long, everything needs to be dug out and exposed. Even if it is ridiculous.
She watches me expectantly, and I sigh, resigning to enduring further embarrassment.
“Jolene.”
“Jolene? Like in Dolly Parton’s song?”
I can’t help the cringe that wrinkles my face. “Yeah.”
“What’s wrong with that? It’s a pretty name.”
“Not when it was the dog’s name first, thanks to my mother’s classic country music obsession and lack of creativity.”
“Yikes. Okay. You’re right.”
“Thank you.”
We sit in silence for a moment, Sydney’s arm around my shoulders, our heads tipped and resting together. As the city goes on around us, memories play out in front of me like home movie clips. The sweet, loving way Jordan’s gaze blazes into mine and burrows within my soul. His unwavering acceptance of my growing list of flaws. The way he’s always been there, waiting for me to come to my senses. Well, at least he was before the rude, heartless way I discarded his second marriage proposal. And now this. His laugh, which is always at the ready. His goofy jokes, and over-the-top reactions to plays and referee calls during football games. I don’t understand half of it, but his intensity is adorable. The sly way he takes care of me without my noticing, because he knows I’ll stubbornly protest. The sexy V shape of his torso and the ridges of muscle filling every inch as though an artist sculpted them into his skin. How he can make just about any place, any moment into something hot and sexy. His glorious pride in being mine.
“I love him,” I blurt out, causing Sydney to sit up and toss up her arms in celebration.
“Hallelujah.”
“I love him,” I say again, laughing. It feels good to admit my heart’s full for the first time in my life.
“Great. So, what are you going to do about it?”
A wave of excitement rolls through me, and I shoot off the bench, only to lower again as trepidation sinks back in. “Nothing.”
“What? Why?”
“Because nothing’s changed.”
“What are you talking about? Of course, it has. You’ve finally come to your senses, and—”
“Sydney.” I let out a long breath, as exasperated with myself as she is. “I still can’t give him the family he wants. Hell, I’m not even sure I want to be a parent. I didn’t exactly have the best rolemodels growing up.” I hold up a hand when I notice her pulling together a protest. “I need to do some soul-searching in that department first.”
“Fair enough.”
“And there’s the matter of me breaking his heart three separate times and lying to him. That’s hard to come back from.”
“But—”
“No, buts. I need to figure out my life—come to terms with the things I’ve kept locked away and the decisions I’ve made. In the meantime, while he’s stuck with me, I’ll do what I can to give him back his life. He deserves that and so much more. But if I give myself to him and he doesn’t want me, then I’ll make sure he’s free of me with his heart intact when this ordeal is over.”
“What about you andyourheart?” she asks carefully. “You matter, too.”
“I’ll be fine, so long as he is.”
Chapter 15
