Page 58 of Make You Love Me
“I deserve that.” She takes a timid step closer. “Josie asked me to pretend. She feared what the truth would do to you in your condition.”
“That doesn’t answer the question. Why? Why did you say yes?”
Her trembling hand combs through her hair as she sits. “Because when it comes to us, I’ve been selfish. It’s always been about what I want and don’t want. I never considered what you needed or tried to give it to you.”
“Is that why you offered yourself to me last night? You thought I needed sex?”
She spins to face me sharply, the deep intensity in her eyes surprising me. “I was with you because I wanted to be.”
“Your needs, then?”
“Jordan, no.” Her breath comes out all at once in a frustrated huff. “Well, sort of, but only because I wantedyou. I haven’t been with anyone since…” she trails off.
“Since when?”
“Since we were together at Jackson and Emily’s wedding.” Her eyes find me, and the truth is there.
“Why?”
“Because you broke me.”
My blood pressure spikes at the accusation. “How did I—”
“Do you remember that night?”
“Only fragments. Beautiful ones.” Dropping my gaze to my lap, I wonder if she’s about to ruin the few incredible memories I have of the evening. Of her wrapped around me for hours in public and private, and my love for her growing beyond my comprehension.
“Then, maybe we should talk about that when you do.”
“No. Everything else I believed to be true and good has been destroyed today. What happened?”
She picks at a nail and sighs. “You proposed…again.”
“Again?” I don’t remember proposing either time. Shit. What had come over me? Why in the world would I cross that line, let alonetwice?
The boundary she set on day one was drawn in permanent ink. Of course, she wouldn’t agree to marry me. She’s the casual relationship, unattached type, and I’ve been wasting my life. I’ve been chasing a woman who will never choose me. How could I not see that before? “Holy shit.”
“Jordan, I—”
“Don’t bother. I can guess how it went down after that. I’ve never been more to you than a good fuck.”
“That’s not true.”
Angry fire gushes through my veins at her denial, preventing the gentleman in me from emerging. From hurting her as she’s hurt me. “I loved you with everything I had. I gave you what you wanted on your timeline and on your terms. It would have destroyed me to hurt you, but that wasn’t enough. I’m realizing now thatI’llnever be enough for you, and all of this, us, was a waste of time.” I look away from the tears welling in her eyes, unable to face the evidence of the hurt I’m causing. “When Josie comes back, I never want to see you again.”
A breath hitches. I hear it choking her, but I can’t care about that. She ruined what we could have been.Shedeceivedme. She used and tossed me aside over and over. The reality of that hits me square in the chest.
“I’d like to go to bed now.”
Heavy silence grows between us as she remains planted. She wants to say something, but there are no words to make this hellish situation less painful, and she knows better than to try right now. With a resigned sniff, she rises to grip the handles of the chair and pushes me into the bedroom.
“I can handle it from here,” I say when the chair stops beside the bed.
“Okay. I’ll be right back with some water and your toothbrush.”
Before I can protest, she rushes out, soon returning with a handful of items to get me ready and through the night. By then, I’d pulled myself onto the mattress to release her from any obligation she may feel to help and turned my back to the door.
A sense of mourning washes over me as she walks out without a word, symbolizing the end of our relationship. The end of my willingness to fight for something I could never have. The end of a dream. Just yesterday, I thought she would be in my life forever. That even though she was distant at times, she still wanted me. Still wantedus.
