Page 32 of Mistletoe Misses
Of course, he’s not ready to hear about my regrets and feelings. I don’t blame him for hating me, but I wish he’d talk to me. I miss the inner light that once fueled his joy and brought the same out in others. Whether or not I had something to do with dimming it, he doesn’t deserve to live in that dark world.Even if it means having to love someone else to find himself again, I plan to help him get it all back.
Grabbing the handle, I sling open the door with newfound energy and jog to where a few remaining volunteers had gathered. I must have missed a few things while I lingered in the truck with my thoughts because Maddox is already setting up a ladder at the starting point.
“There you are,” Veronica, the mayor’s wife, says, waving her black-gloved hands in the air as she sashays toward me. “I was told you’d be there, but I didn’t see you during the kickoff.” Her Pilates-toned arms circle me for a light squeeze.
“I’m sorry. I needed a minute to gather myself.”
“Why, dear? Everything okay?”
“I rode here with Maddox.”
“Oh.” She leans back to observemymental state.
In the truck, where I could talk myself up without distractions, I felt infallible. Having him in my sights again with all his muscled glory and morning stubble, I’m back to hanging on by a thread and all gooey inside. Whenever he’s near, I turn into a lovesick kid again. Not the stupid one who thought she could be a famous actor if she left everything behind and went to L.A., but the girl who was fortunate enough to be loved by Maddox Henderson.
“Is he not willing to talk?” Veronica asks, bringing my attention back to her.
We both glance over at him securing the end of the first string with big, color bulbs to the top of the light pole.
“No. He’s not ready.” My voice cracks as I say it, realizing he may never be. “And he has every right.”
“Don’t give up. If talking it out will help, you have to try. Life’s too short.”
“You’re right.” With a sniff, I pick up a box of garland to take to the light pole, but Veronica’s hand gently folds over my arm to stop me.
Her eyes narrow in on something behind me. “Do you want him back?” she asks, throwing me completely off kilter. Wasn’t she just talking about getting closure? Doesn’t closure mean letting go?
“I … I …”
“Honey, you better figure it out soon or he might move on without you.”
“What?” I follow her gaze and find Maddox off the ladder, talking with Jada—the striking single mom, who moved into town last year.
She’s perfect for him, and my entire body twists with jealousy. Her deceased husband was a Boston cop and military man. Maddox may even have known him, giving them more in common. Her silky, caramel-colored hair shines, despite the gray, winter sun, and she’s as sweet as they come.
He lowers to speak with her five-year-old son and both beam with adoration for each other. Maddox has always loved children, and he’s never met one he couldn’t connect with. Or at least he hadn’t when I knew him.
Jada inserts herself into the tender exchange, watching Maddox with her own adoring eyes, especially when he offers a friendly grin meant only for her. A fresh surge of envy blazes through me, and I can feel my face scrunch from the effort it takes to cool it with supportive thoughts.
I want him to be happy. He deserves to be happy. He seems happy in her presence. I’m happy for him. Happy. Happy. Happy.
“You better go before—”
“I can’t.” The response slips off my tongue before I can stop it. Didn’t I promise to help him find happiness, even if it camefrom someone other than me? Would Jada make him happy? The mere thought of him holding her, kissing her, and loving her—or anyone else—burns deeper than I care to admit. I want to be selfless. I want to be the one to fix all that’s broken for him and for us, but I fear even my best efforts would fall short. Too much has changed, and the gap between us feels insurmountable when it hurts him to simply be in my vicinity. “He doesn’t want to talk to me. And Jada is—”
“Stop getting in your way.” She nudges my back to get my skeptical feet moving. “Go.”
Before I know it, I’m bounding up to them like I have something to say, but I must have left my brain somewhere along the way. Words and sentences don’t populate when Maddox’s gaze finds me, confusion and agitation clouding his eyes. Is that aggravation for interrupting their sweet moment or from our earlier one-sided conversation?
Jada stands to greet me, ending his glare. “Hi, Carmen.”
“Hi,” I manage, despite my brain lagging behind in Maddox’s proximity.
He steps back to make his exit, suddenly on edge. No more grins. No more easy conversation.Way to go, Carmen. “I should get to work.”
“Wait.” Jada reaches for her son’s hand and holds it between hers. She spares me a glance, her nerves showing for the first time, and I can already tell I won’t like what she’s about to say. She turns back to Maddox with a smile. “This is our first Spectacular, and Easton wants to sign up for the rubber ducky sled race. We’ve never done one before, and I was hoping you could show him how it works. I heard you’ve won it a few times.”
“Six, actually, but who’s counting?”
