Page 50 of Mistletoe Misses
“She’s not Mom and Dad’s responsibility.”
“Or yours, Cooper. You’re not the only person around here who loves her. She’s family, and we’re happy to help.”
“Does that mean you’re thinking about staying here permanently?” he asks, and like him, I have very few answers.
“I haven’t thought that far ahead. If you’d asked me that when I first got here, my answer would have been an immediate and emphatichell no.” I had already started the countdown for the day I could get away before I even stepped foot in Ember Falls.
“No doubt, but I hope that’s changing.”
“We’ll see. I have more to work through and a job I love waiting for me in Boston.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of what?”
“That you love being Boston P.D.”
“It’s all I know.”
“You can be a cop anywhere.” A smug smile pulls at the corners of his mouth. He thinks he caught me without an argument.
“I have a life there.”
“Bullshit.”
“Food’s ready,” Mom announces, saving me from having to lie again and failing another test. Life in Boston means little more than breathing and waking up each morning to do whatever I did the day before like a broken record.
Broken and stuck seems to be the theme of my life and it’s time to change that.
???
After dinner, we head downtown and locate the carolers near the gazebo. Sadie and Carmen hold hands in the front line in matching red coats, plaid scarves, and white knitted hats.
They find us in the crowd during “All I Want for Christmas,” but what Carmen seems to want feels different when she looks at me—something I don’t recognize in my memories of her.
Desire.
We were kids the last time we were together and had little experience in the sensations that ignite between lovers. As adults, we’ve given ourselves to others and can recognize the magnet hard at work tempting us. With every encounter, I grow more curious about what it would be like to hold her in that way. To touch every inch of her skin and feel her shiver under my touch. To kiss the lips I remember and explore the different ways our bodies could mold together in new ways. But that’s a hazardous road, full of caution tape, cones, and flashing lights, and last night proved I’m not prepared to act on those curiosities yet.
Her eyes stay locked with mine as our private conversation continues through two more songs. Then, Sadie steps forward, breaking my trance, and sings “O Holy Night” solo. She’s captivating, and I wonder how I ever lived without her in my life. How can I go back to Boston and not be a part of hers?
The answers are too inconceivable to validate, and I’m surprised the questions even surfaced at this point. After all, I’m a week into my hometown sentence, and there’s too much left to uncover, like who I am and what I want out of life. Those two considerations have fallen to the wayside behind my public service, heartache, and everything else.
Captain Emory said I can’t return to the force unless I’m a different man, and with the rollercoaster I’m strapped to here, I’m worried I may not find him in time.
???
“You were incredible,” I tell Sadie afterward with a high-five, then turn to Carmen, primed to pay her the same compliment. But her eyes are already on me, picking up where our wordless conversation left off before, and I have no idea what to do.
“Let’s go find a good area to watch the parade,” Mom suggests, coming to my rescue. She offers her support with a wink as the group begins to move down the sidewalk, and I give her my thanks with a one-arm hug.
We soon find an opening in the crowd that will fit everyone. Sadie, Trixie, and Carmen wrap up in a blanket next to her parents on the curb. I linger behind with my family, contemplating what I should do with my two choices yet again—sit intimately with Carmen or keep my distance. Like at the duck race, each direction sends a different message. If I choose her, it says I’m ready for the next baby step. If I don’t, I’m telling her I need more time. I want both.
“Why don’t you go sit with Carmen and Sadie?” Mom asks. “Test the waters a bit.”
“I don’t know if my system can absorb another test. It’s been through a lot in the last forty-eight hours.”
“There’s only one way to find out.” She nudges me with her shoulder, making the decision for me.Baby step number two, here I come.
