Page 64 of Mistletoe Misses
“I’d appreciate that. Nana’s already on my case about my life, and I can only imagine the field day she’ll have with this. I’m not ready to deal with that just yet.”
“No problem. What about kissing? Do you need a break, or can we—”
My hand on the back of her neck lures her lips to mine in the most satisfying response to her question.
“Great answer.” Her teeth graze her bottom lip, and I can’t decide if she’s recovering from the same explosion of need I got or trying to tempt me into doing it again. I’m contemplating it when she says, “Now, I’m wondering about sleepovers. Got a position on those?”
Perfect. How can I focus when I’m thinking about touching her nude body? “Let’s play it by ear.”Before my heart implodes.
“Okay.” She scoots closer and drapes both legs over my thigh. “Will you call me your girlfriend in private?”
“Every chance I can get.”
Her arms raise to my shoulders, fingers combing through the hair on the back of my head. It’s almost long enough for her to grasp, and I think I’ll grow it out for that reason alone. Chief won’t care for my hair growing longer—
I’ve been Carmen’s for less than a few minutes and already forgotten about the main reason I came back to Ember Falls. To save my job.
Do I want to save it? I’ve given five years to that department and built a name for myself as a good, hard-working, ethical cop. But what kind of life did that create for me? Nothing worth nurturing, that’s for sure. And after getting Carmen back, do I want to put distance between us again? Starting a new job in a new place sounds overwhelming, and I’d have no idea where to start … if I am even ready for that change.
My brain is flying through all the unknowns at a nauseating speed, and I don’t notice Carmen watching me.
“What are you thinking about?” she asks, placing a hand on my chest, concern carved into every feature on her face.
“Boston.”
“Oh. What about it?”
“It’s two hours away.” I link my fingers with hers and rest our hands on my thigh. Her other hand absently combs through my hair. The feel of her fingernails on my skin soothes my racing pulse to a slow jog.
“Do you worry about us surviving a long-distance relationship? Because I don’t.”
I grin at that. “It’s not you I worry about.”
“What do you mean?”
I can see her reading into the meaning of my statement, and her conclusions aren’t flattering. “I meant my life there isn’t healthy—mentally. I love what I do, but it’s not enough.”
She puts on a grin, her strength building a foundation for us both. “I can schedule my store responsibilities around your shifts for visits, or …” she guides, hoping I’ll finish the thought. I know she doesn’t want to be the one to say it since she’s been the instigator of almost every step we’ve taken so far.
“Or …” I repeat to make her squirm, and it works. The sweet pink color I adore returns to her cheeks.
Lifting my hand, she kisses the inside of my wrist before finding my gaze. “What if youdidn’tgo back to Boston?” Letting that sink in, she waits for the answer I don’t have. “Whatever you decide, I’ll support you, but if you’re considering not going even the least little bit … stay.”
She blinks back tears, ripping me in two. We won’t be able to keep this obscurity going for much longer. The end of my admin leave is approaching, and Carmen deserves answers. Like she wanted to do for me at eighteen, I refuse to let her push the pause button on her life while I’m learning to juggle the pieces of mine.
While I figure out where my priorities lie and what I can’t live without, maybe the answers will come to me if I can relax my overthinking tendencies, clear the fog they create, and break the tether on my heart, as my mother often requests. After all, I haven’t had any luck following my usual patterns and habits.
Until clarity arrives, all I can do is hold Carmen and appreciate what we are in each evolving moment of our relationship.
Chapter 15
Carmen
After Maddox leaves, I flop my weakened body across the bed and lie unmoving for hours, marveling at my continued good fortune. How in the world, after all this time, did I get him back? How can a glance, a touch, a kiss from him rock my entire body like we’re discovering each other for the first time? How can I prevent him from going back?
The very idea of him choosing Boston keeps me up for the rest of the night. I’m flittering between consciousness and dozing the next morning while brewing the strongest pot of coffee I’ve ever made and almost don’t hear the knock on the door.
“Did you forget your keys?” I call, expecting to see Sadie and one of my parents on the other side. Swinging open the door, my heart slams to a stop. “Maddox.”
