Page 82 of Mistletoe Misses
My hand stops petting Trixie in faux shock. “Nana, are you asking what I think you’re asking?” Sadie would make fun of me for days if she’d witnessed this horrific acting display.
“Oh, for Pete’s sake. Did you spend the night with Carmen or not?”
A satisfied grin takes over my face. Funny how she doesn’t like having her usual manipulation used on her.
“I am not talking about that with you.”
“Why not?” she complains, moving out from behind the counter to prevent me from escaping this ridiculous ambush. “We tell each other everything.”
“You weren’t exactly upfront with your scheming to bring us together all this time. I wouldn’t be surprised if you recruited Sadie to help you.”
Taking her time, she removes her glasses, setting her eyes on me with finality. “It worked, didn’t it? Myschemingfixed everything to where you’re happy, she’s happy, and your mother isn’t having stomach pains anymore.”
“Wait. What?”
“Yeah, you big idiot. You’ve given your poor mother ulcers with all your moping and throwing yourself into every hazardous situation you could find. Are you done with that now?”
“Shit.” My fingers comb through my hair. Just when I thought I’d hit my stride, I’m knocked backward with the force of a bungee cord off a skyscraper. “When was her last attack?”
“Just over two weeks ago. It’s another reason she reduced her hours at work.” She steps closer, her hands gripping my biceps. “All that’s in the past, Maddy.” Her voice is gentler now, sympathetic like she’s talking to an injured child. Maybe that’s how she sees me. Poor pathetic Maddox. “There’s nothing you can do about it. All you can do is strive to be better than you were the day before.”
I swallow down the emotion clogging my throat, but my voice breaks anyway, showing her I’m as weak as she thinks I am. “I’m trying, Nana.”
“I know you are, sweet boy.”
Holding me as she did after Carmen left, I let a new round of fear, sorrow, and regret seep out of me in sobs.
“Come.” She takes me into the lounge and sits me down, soon handing me a cup of tea like I’m one of her guests. “What’s bothering you, Maddy?”
“Everything. I’ve missed so much—the twins growing up, Izzie’s situation, Mom being sick, Sadie …”
“And time with Carmen.”
“Of course. I’ve been so selfish and stupid.”
“You were hurting. It’s hard to see past that in the moment.”
I set the cup on the table, not trusting my unsteady hands. “It was more than a moment, Nana. Nine years.”
“Yes, but what did I say?”
“It’s in the past and can’t be changed.” A sigh rattles through me because I can do nothing else with my mounting annoyance.“Every time I think I’ve turned a corner something slaps me backward. I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever be whole again.”
“You may never be, and that’s okay.” She pats my hand, drawing my attention back to her. “The good news is you’re not alone in that damaged place. I live there, too. I’ve lost three husbands, and each one has taken a piece of me with them.”
“How does it not get to you?”
“Because in the short time we had together, we loved enough to last a lifetime. You and Carmen did that as kids. Don’t you know what you two reconnecting as adults means?”
Soaking in every word, I shake my head.
“You’re lucky. You can have a second amazing lifetime of loving her if that’s what you want. She’s already offered. All you have to do is accept that she’s your future.”
“What if it doesn’t work out? What if she walks away again?”
She gives me that all-knowing grin she keeps at the ready. “There are no guarantees in love, sweetheart. That ambiguity is part of the allure.”
This woman never ceases to amaze me. An unexpected chuckle casts out most of my anxious energy. She may drive me crazy most days, but she’s my Nana and there’s no one else like her. “No wonder everyone comes to you for advice. That was beautiful.”
