Page 115 of How You See Me
“All you can do is focus on why she gave you that list. She needs you to believe, and maybe you need it, too.”
He nods, my words finding their way through all the noise in his head. Then, piece by jagged piece, his tension eases. His foot slips from the bumper and he catches himself with both hands on his thighs. For the first time since the call, a hint of color brightens his face.
“She said to tell you she loves her Sprinkles.” I place a hand on his back. “You’re her safe space, you know?”
He’s silent for a long moment before the words spill out, brittle and trembling. “I can’t live in a world without her in it.”
“Oh, Hayes. She’s still here. You can’t think about anything else.”
He blinks fast, but I recognize the cracking wall of grief and the pain he’s fighting to contain leaking though.
“I think she asked me to take this trip because she knew I needed to learn to live again.” A tear breaks loose.
“She doesn’t understand why I keep people at a distance.”
I cup his cheek, catching the tear with my thumb. Emotion wells in my chest, but I can’t turn it loose. He will only feel worse if I cry.“Speaking of your lonesomeness,” I tease, hoping to take his mind off his fears. “She asked if I’d still date you after the trip.”
A ghost of a laugh escapes him. I'll take it. “What did you say?”
“That I’d like to keep you, if you’ll have me.”
Shining eyes turn on me, and finally,finally, his walls crumble. Not only from letting go of the guilt, but the beliefthat he must carry it on his own. He pulls me into him, burying his face in my neck, his body trembling.
I hold on tight, whispering nothing words into his ear.I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re safe.
Because I know this isn’t just about sadness. It’s pain. It’s love. It’s dread. It’s everything he hasn’t had a safe place to feel until now. After all he’s shouldered, accomplished, and endured, this is the bravest thing he’s ever done.
We stay like that until the sky shifts from orange to purple and the balloon field becomes nothing but dust. The world blurs again. Not perfect, not healed—but softer. Manageable. Ours.
And just like that, we don’t belong to this trip anymore. We belong to each other.
Chapter 25
Josie
We spend the night wrapped in each other’s arms beneath a sky of stars, the desert’s quiet lullaby carrying away our troubles.
When the first golden light of dawn spills over the mountains, I awake alone—as usual. Hayes and his early morning routine always stealing him from my side. But this morning, something is different. I’m different.
For nearly a decade, I’ve been coasting, existing inside a fog I didn’t even realize had settled over me. I’ve been letting my fears push me along without resistance. Now that I can see clearly, my life extends ahead, open and full of possibility. The fears that held me back aren’t as consuming, and I want to take control. I want to steer my own course and live fully—not watch from the sidelines.
I breathe in the crisp air, excitement buzzing under my skin. And I know exactly who to thank for this awakening.Well, two people. Hayes and his quiet strength. Sweet Ava and her tragic battle. All left a mark in different ways, changing me forever.
Sitting up, I take in the view from my perch atop the van and let that realization burrow in. I want this new, brave me to stay. Fear might try to creep back in, whispering doubts in my ear, but for now, I’m choosing to embrace this newfound freedom and how weightless it makes me feel.
Below, the RV park hums with life as thin ribbons of smoke curl from several nearby campfires. It’s serene, but my gazedrifts until I find Hayes.
He hangs shirtless from a tree branch nearby, knocking out pull-ups like it’s easy. Muscles shift beneath his sun-kissed skin, a sheen of sweat glistening on his chest and forehead.
Behind him, Albuquerque shines in the new light with buildings rising from the desert like scattered wildflowers. A few hot air balloons float in the distance, their loud colors hushed by the morning haze.
The old me would have reached for my camera, witnessing the majesty of the world through a narrow lens. But this new me soaks in the breathtaking vastness and lets it consume her.
He drops down to stretch, and something on the horizon catches my attention. A flash of sunlight glinting off metal.
A slide.
Tall and gleaming, its dual lanes curve down, challenging me to follow through on my new promise to myself. My heart kicks into gear.
