Page 76 of How You See Me
I’ve spent years building walls made of steel and silence, never wanting to appear weak. But she saw all that’s cracked within me and stayed to glue me back together.
“How did you know what to do?” I ask once my heartbeat slows, and my surroundings sharpen again.
“I didn’t. I just gave what I would have wanted . . . if it were me.” Her fingertips brush at the hair stuck to my damp forehead, eyes searching mine. “Does this happen often?”
“No. I rarely leave that mindset or let my guard down. There’s no time for flashbacks when you’re always in war mode.”
“That's unbearable. And unhealthy.”
“Apparently. I’m only here because the Medical Officer forced me to take leave. I’ve been running on fumes lately.”
“I’m glad they did that.” Her thumb traces the side of my neck, feather-light, and that’s when I realize where my hands are—gripping her hips tight enough to leave a mark.
I let go, instantly feeling the loss.
“What can I do to help?” she asks.
“You already do it every day. You’re doing it now.”
She presses against me again, arms circling my neck—not because I’m broken, but because I’ve finally stopped pretending I’m not.
Knowing this embrace will never be enough, I throw open the door and climb out, Josie still wrapped around me. Her legs cling to my waist, arms looped tight behind my neck. The roar of the highway fades to nothing. All I can hear—all I can feel—is her.
I carry her around the van, away from the rush of passing cars, and press her against the side panel. Both palms slide down my chest. Her eyes flick to my lips then flutter closed.
“Please, Hayes,” she breathes, the plea unraveling something deep inside me. “Put me out of my mis—”
I don’t let her finish. My mouth crashes into hers, silencing her with the kind of kiss I’ve been trying to outrun for days. There’s nothing soft about it—just hunger and desperation. Days of fighting the urge to break this rule have come to an end in crash and burn, soul-stealing fashion.
There’s no coming back from this. Jordan might never forgive me. But I can’t go on pretending she isn’t everything I’ve been missing. Everything I need. Everything I want.
She lets out a sound—half gasp, half moan—and it wrecks what’s left of my self-control. My hands grip her hips, pulling her tighter against me, and her legs squeeze around me.
And in that moment, I know . . .
She wants this just as much as I do.
Chapter 17
Hayes
Atruck blares its horn on the way by, snapping us back to earth. She laughs, her eyes still dazed as they fall to me.
“The perfect exclamation point to that kiss. Kind of poetic, really, given the reason we’re here on the side of the road.”
I can’t muster the same appreciation. Guilt has already crept in, staining the edges of a first kiss that could’ve been perfect had I not been so selfish.
Her amusement shifts down a few notches. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I just . . .” I shake my head. “I should’ve waited. Chosen a better moment.”
“You’re not going to apologize for kissing me out here, are you?”
I look away, but it’s too late. She’s already seen the truth.
“Hayes,” she says carefully, keeping her hands on my arms as I set her down. “Did you feel something or was it . . . just okay for you?”
I can’t believe she’s asking me this. Every cell in my body stood and saluted this woman for the grand finale of fireworks she set off inside me. It was everything.
