Page 33 of Pictures in Blue
“You have?” I press. I might not be sure if I want to talk about Sharon just yet, so I will welcome someone else’s drama for once.
He hesitates before going on, eyes flitting from his beer, then to the table before settling on me. “My mom is in jail for something she did a long time ago and my dad wasn’t the best father, so I cut ties as soon as I turned eighteen,” he states like it’s a subject he has exhausted many times. “I tried making amends with my mom, but she really didn’t seem to want to try, so I stopped trying for the both of us and here I am living a life with two less toxic people,” he lets out a long sigh. But I catch a glimpse of light behind his eyes. It truly doesn’t bother him that he no longer talks to his parents.
I nod. “How did you do that? Stop trying, I mean.” I think about Sharon and the feeling she leaves me with every time we talk or the times she visits. Empty. Alone. Worthless.
“I had to step back and look closely at the space I was giving them in my life and decide that it wasn’t worth it. Decide they weren’t worth it anymore, because they decided that I wasn’t. So, why should I continue to try?”
Understanding washes over me as I imagine him fending for himself and deciding to break contact with his parents at such a young age. The courage it must have taken to do something like that. Courage I don’t think I have.
“That…makes sense,” I respond, because I’m not sure what else to say. I look up from my beer and am met with kind eyes, and a soft smile like he knows exactly what I’m thinking.
“It took a while to get to where I am now. A lot of work, a lot of therapy later on in life and a lot of space to think. It wasn’t easy, but it’s been the best decision I could have made for myself.”
Taking another gulp of beer, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, pushing down the rising anxiety at the idea of telling Sharon she no longer has a place in my life. I let out a sudden laugh at the idea of actually cutting her out. Standing up to her and telling her to never contact me again. I wonder how many shades of red her face would turn. Or would she care? Would she put up a fight? Or just walk away from her only daughter? Her only family.
Taking my right hand off the table, I rest it at my side as discreetly as I can.
Clench, digging my nails into my palms for a few seconds.
Unclench, the pressure releasing, shallow indents from my fingernails left behind.
Clench. Unclench. Until I feel the wave of anxiety pass and I can focus on Elias again.
“It doesn’t sound easy,” I say so quietly I’m surprised he heard me.
“It’s not,” he responds, matching my tone. “But you’re not alone, unless you want to be.”
I give him a small, appreciative smile and raise my glass again. “Thank you, Elias.”
He clinks his glass to mine, “You’re welcome.” Running his hand through his hair, he adjusts his sweater and lets out a small laugh. “Talk about an introduction. That was a heavy conversation for someone you just met.”
I laugh with him and look to my right. “You can thank Sky for that.”
She turns away from Jacob and Sophie to look at us. “What are we thanking Sky for? For being amazing? Wonderful? An utter and complete joy upon your lives?” Stepping back from the table she crosses her legs, holding out her arms on either side and bends into a deep bow. “You’re welcome.”
Jacob and Sophie are laughing and start to applaud her as she stands before taking another bow. “A true treasure!” Jacob says in a terrible attempt at a British accent as he places his thumb and finger between his lips and whistles for Sky who is reveling in his attention. Soon the whole bar is turned toward her and applauding along with Jacob, no questions asked. Just complete comradery throughout. Sky doesn’t even flinch at the sudden attention and turns away from our table, bowing to the crowd. When she turns back, Jacob reaches his hand toward her and pulls her towards the only open space in the bar followed by whistles and more applause. They start dancing to the upbeat music as others join in around them, Sophie cheering the loudest from the sidelines.
“Always the center of attention,” a familiar voice sounds from behind me and my body immediately straightens as it is wrapped up in a scent I have been craving since I first came into contact with it. I didn’t think he would come considering the text I sent this morning was still unanswered.
Elias moves around the table and claps Hudson on the back. “You know Sky. She acts like she wants to be a recluse, but she secretly craves the attention of everyone around her.”
“You’ve definitely got that right,” Hudson agrees.
“Let me get you a drink. Beer?” Elias offers.
“Yes, but not the shit you’re drinking.”
“Killjoy. You’re the only one who doesn’t like that beer.”
“Fruit and beer? Not my style.”
Elias just rolls his eyes before disappearing behind the crowd in the direction of the bar. I keep my eyes focused on the people dancing and the ones crowded around watching, swaying to the music. Not at all paying attention to the man now standing where Elias was, but at least a whole foot closer, our forearms braced on the table a few inches from touching.
“I didn’t think you’d come out,” I say, eyes still focused on anything but him.
“I heard someone wanted to see me,” he teases and I feel my cheeks immediately redden.
“It didn’t seem like you wanted to be seen.” I swallow, forcing down the embarrassment I feel from sending that text earlier only to get nothing in response.
