Page 94 of Pictures in Blue
“Thank you.”
“For now,” she mumbles under her breath.
I ignore her and head for the door, signaling for Judy to come with me.
“Look, I appreciate you two showing me the space and yes, opening a studio here would potentially be a great idea, but I don’t have the money and… I have a life to get back to,” I say unconvincingly. The truth is the more I look at the space, the more I can see myself here editing photos, scheduling clients, or working through the night with the mountain scenery in the background. A dream. That’s all it can be. That’s all it has to be.
After a few feet of walking, I hear steps behind me and turn to see Elias a few feet away.
“Elias, I’m sorry. I really can’t afford it. Plus, I have a lot going on right now and I can’t just pick up my life and move.”
“Why?” he asks, simply, like the answer shouldn’t be so complicated.
I sigh and let out as much stress as I can in one breath. There’s something about Elias’s presence that makes me want to open up. I feel calm around him and something tells me that he won’t judge me or try to change my mind.
“I have a life in California. I can’t just move.”
“Do you?” He asks like he already knows the answer.
“Look, I know we talked about it before at the bar, but I have a really difficult relationship with my mom.”
“Yeah, I remember,” he said, falling into step next to me.
“It’s just all my life she’s told me that I wasn’t good enough or pretty enough or smart enough and I’ve believed her. I still do sometimes. I don’t even really see her as a mom anymore. She’s just another person in my life that puts me down. Another person that makes me believe that I’m not worth it.”
“Hudson thinks you’re worth it,” he interjects.
“He does?”
I am completely lost for you, Avery Reid. And I don’t plan on finding my way back.
He lets out a sarcastic laugh, “Avery, if you don’t notice that, then you are completely oblivious or just in deep, deep denial.”
I laugh with him. “It’s probably a little bit of both,” I respond.
“Look,” he says, “I know you don’t know me very well, but I also come from parents who weren’t the most supportive.”
“Yeah?” I angle my head towards his and see him focused on the sidewalk in front of us.
“Yeah, I spent most of my life fending for myself. Once I was 18,” he continues. “I was able to get away from my dad who could be verbally abusive towards me. He has anger issues so as soon as I could, I took myself out of the situation, and I haven’t looked back since.”
I remember him alluding to that fact at the bar and I wonder now what his breaking point was. What made him finally give up on them? Finally choose himself over them?
“How did you get the courage to do that? To just leave them behind? Even though they made mistakes, they are still your parents.”
He shrugs, considering his words. “They are to an extent,” he responds, “but, at one point I had to realize they didn’t have a place in my life. They are the kind of people who only bring toxicity to it. Wherever they are, destruction and me feeling inferior or whatever is below that, follows. And I was tired of feeling that way and tired of letting them make me feel that way, so I cut them out. That’s what I wanted to come talk to you about. It's okay to cut the toxic people out of your life. It’s okay to leave them behind without guilt or expectations. You don’t deserve to feel the way your mom is making you feel.”
“I don’t,” I agree before thinking.
“And you never have deserved it, Avery. I already feel like I know you better than she does. You are a good person with a kind heart, and a kind spirit. You do everything for others, much like Hudson does, without expecting anybody to give anything in return. She doesn’t deserve you and you shouldn’t give her any more pieces of you. Be selfish. Take your pieces back and hold them close. Give them to the people that love you and appreciate you for who you are.”
I let his words curl around me like a blanket, and I settle in, tuck myself into a ball and wrap them tightly around me. A cocoon of kindness and warmth. The kind I have only felt around Charlotte and this family.
Could I cut Sharon out? Could I leave her behind and never look back like Elias did with his parents? I take a deep breath and before I can second guess myself, I pull out my phone and call Charlotte, moving a few steps away for some semblance of privacy.
When she answers, I waste no time with greetings. “Charlotte, I need a favor.”
“Anything,” she says almost immediately. When I tell her what I need, she barely stops herself from cheering in the nicest way possible. “I’m so proud of you, Ave.”
