Page 28 of Artfully Wild
“Yes, Jacob. Attacked by two of your little demons hiding under the bed,” she exclaims.
Jacob chuckles. “The names of those demons are Bob and Vincent and they like to hide unless you’re sleeping.”
“Yeah, because that’s when they come out of hiding to kill you. Their names should be Pain and Panic.”
Boots echo against the hardwood floor as the girls shuffle out to the end of the sidewalk where Fran and Cordie were standing moments before. Their backs are to us and a small part of me is surprised they actually listened to what Jacob said. Then again, they are people who usually respect boundaries. Sophie, Jacob and I have been such a close trio over the years, we are used to being deep into each others’ business. But something about Jacob and I together, made the dynamic between the three of us…different.
It’s no longer the Three Musketeers running through the woods pretending to have adventures or pretending to be pirates at the lake taking turns making each other walk the plank. We may have grown up together, gone to school together, and practically spent every moment together as teenagers, but with Jacob and I now together, I can’t help but wonder how it will change my relationship with Sophie? Will it change it at all? Will it be any different, or will we carry on the same as we always have? Too many thoughts are swirling in my head, a hidden vortex threatening to pull me in, taking me outto sea and drowning me before I’m able to so much as think about calling for help.
“Hey.” Jacob’s soft voice breaks through the waves and I come up for air, the pressure in my chest loosening. His hand comes to the base of my neck, fingers pushing into the spot where it meets my shoulder. Slowly massaging my skin, my eyes flutter closed, savoring the feeling of his fingers on my skin again. A hum escapes my lips and I hear his breath hitch at the sound of it. When I open my eyes, I see his, staring at my lips that are now parted softly, breathing in his scent.
“Hi,” I mumble back almost inaudibly.
“Are you okay?” The way he says it, like he can read every single thought that crossed my mind in the last few minutes makes me melt into him further.
I lean into the palm of his hand and sigh, not feeling as self conscious as I normally would at making any kind of sound when someone touches me. “I am now,” I answer.
He’s always been able to figure out what I’m thinking and it’s a quality I pretended to hate. Because “just friends” always had to be there. That invisible line we drew in the dirt when we were teenagers in the woods, escaping reality. Who knew we’d both be trying to escape our feelings for years after that day?
Now I find his ability to read me endearing and…well, hot. I love the idea of him being able to tell what’s wrong with just one glance at the way my eyebrows crinkle, or the way I tip one side of my mouth in a sly smile. Just for him. I wonder if I thought dirty thoughts about him if he could read those too.
Meeting his eyes, I test it out and allow my mind to fantasize about him the way it has so many times over the years except this time, I don’t feel guilty. I don’t feel anything other than thrill as heat rushes up my neck to my cheeks. A dead giveaway of the direction my thoughts went, but I don’t shy away. I look him in the eyes and he stares back at me. His eyes now have the same heat behind them they did in the paintstudio and the porch. This is the sexiest thing I’ve ever experienced and I think there’s more experience to come in the future. I see more than sexual experiences with Jacob, a flash of two dark haired kids running through a house, play swords in hand as they chase after the ticking crocodile, Jacob at the front making ticking sounds, me at the back trying not to yell pirate swears, because the kids are at the stage where they parrot everything we say.
Wait, what? I’m not sure when my brain took the detour to the future, but this thing with Jacob is too new…too different to continue down. There’s something that clicks into place inside me that I am unsure of.
And now the heat on my neck is from something else entirely different. Not from arousal, but… panic? No, this isn’t a panic attack. I’ve seen Hudson have those, this isn’t that. My thoughts take on a new pattern and the spinning vortex of the ocean is back, pulling me under. Part of me wants to let it. Surrender to the torrent of thoughts cycling through and let one of them grab my leg, yanking me down into the depths of the sea, where the only thing I will be met with is darkness and silence.
“You’re not okay,” Jacob says after a minute or two of silence and I can’t help but feel pity for him, because he has feelings for someone like me. Someone who isn’t normal. I’m fucked up even if I don’t act like it.
Taking a deep breath, I give him a sideways smile, the one that always manages to make his eyes soften, his facial muscles relaxing into a grin of its own. My conscience is screaming at me to not say what I am about to say, but that bitch can sit down and shut up for once.
“I’m okay, Jacob,” I add in a chuckle and it sounds hollow. I know he notices, but I ignore the plea that crosses his features and lean in, planting a soft kiss on his lips. “Really, I’m fine. Even better after I throw some darts at stuff.”
That earns me a grin paired with a roll of his eyes. “Who knew my little sparrow was so violent?”
I jolt at the nickname he hasn’t used since we were kids playing pretend. I am thrust back into the past, running through the forest in the middle of a summer day, enormous hats on our heads with obnoxious feathers on top as we decided who would be Captain Jack Sparrow and who would be Barbosa or another pirate captain from thePirates of the Caribbeanfranchise. He would always let me be Jack, but he would call me ‘little sparrow’ because of how small I was when I was a kid. Another thing I was picked on for. I was born prematurely, so I’ve always been small until I reached adulthood. Always fighting from the second I was born.
“You haven’t called me that in years.”
The nickname is actually the reason I have a small sparrow flying among the tattoos that cover my left arm. Right under the North Star we would always follow during our adventures in the woods. Hearing the nickname now on his lips feels different. Less innocent. A more sensual promise behind those words.
“I stopped after people started making jokes about how small you were. I didn’t think you’d appreciate it after that.”
He’s probably right. I never did like how tiny I was. In retrospect, I’m still tiny now, but I’m stronger, my muscles more defined and my body fills itself out in a way that I like.
I give him a genuine smile this time, the spiraling thoughts from earlier swept away by the current. “I think I like it now.”
Leaning closer, his breath caresses my ear before whispering, “Do you now, little sparrow?”
Shivers cascade down my spine as I inhale sharply, waiting for him to press his lips to my skin, wanting to get lost in his touch. In his breath. In him.
“Any time you two want to finish up this flirting session would be great!” Charlotte’s voice startles us out of our little bubble and I think we both completely forgot the womenwaiting outside for me. “We are actually freezing our lady parts off out here!”
We both sheepishly look outside to the three figures standing on the sidewalk, backs still turned, a large box in Charlotte’s arms. “Jacob, you could come with us. It would make it easier to set up with your help. Or if you want to come along to keep flirting with Sky is fine too as long as we can get out of this tundra, I could give a shit less what we do!”
She turns and I meet her eyes, trying to figure out if she’s inviting him because we actually need the help or if it’s more of an apology for earlier. She gives me a small shrug like it’s no big deal and turns around to wait with everyone else.
He waves us off with a hand, using it to adjust my beanie back into place. “You go.”
