Page 40 of Artfully Wild
“I think he’ll notice,” I say, imagining what would happen if one of the lanterns broke. Part of me wants to put them back into the RV and wrap them in all the blankets so there is no chance of returning them broken.
She gives my arm a reassuring squeeze, “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine.”
I lean in to kiss her before dropping down in the snow a few inches away to put on the skates she pulled out of the bag. It’s quiet as we lace up our skates and stand, carefully balancing on the blades.
“Ready to lose, Sinclair?”
“Never, little sparrow.” I take the hockey stick she stretches out to me. Once we are out on the ice, she drops the puck. We both have our fair share of falls as it’s been awhile since we’ve been on skates, but we find a good rhythm once muscle memory kicks in.
We spend the next hour skating around, attempting to steal the puck from one another. The only sound is our laughter, which is eventually joined by the wisps of fresh snowfall.
After our noses are red and our fingers are numb, we skate to a stop at the edge of the lake and make our way back to the bag where I shed my extra jacket to place in the snow for Sky to sit on.
Once our skates are off, Skylar pulls out a thermos. After tentatively taking a sip, she hands it out to me and I inhale the scent of it before carefully drinking. “Nothing is better than Fran’s cocoa.”
“I don’t know, I think orgasms are up there.”
I almost do a spit take. Even though we have been intimate, I’m not used to hearing her say stuff like that. But I love it.
“I’d say I have to agree.” I hesitate, afraid to admit what I want to, but this is Skylar. My best friend. And now, something much more and she deserves to know. “Not that I would havethatmuch sexual experience though.” I can feel my cheeks turning red, and it’s not from the cold this time.
Embarrassment washes over me like a clam at high tide, except I’m not exactly happy that I’m about to admit to the only person I have ever loved that I am a virgin.
“What do you mean?” she asks.
“Well…I mean, I’ve had relationships in the past,” I start. She meets my eyes, and lifts one side of her mouth in a smile, encouraging me to continue. “I’ve had girlfriends and a boyfriend. And I’ve done…stuff with them.”God, I sound like a teenager.“We’ve fooled around, but I never went all the way with any of them.”
She doesn’t respond and I’m not sure what she’s thinking. The silence stretches and it’s all I can do to stop from asking for her to say something. I take another sip of hot cocoa just to have something to do with my hands and to allow myself a reprieve from eye contact. Staring at her isn’t going to make her say something any faster.
“I haven’t either,” she blurts suddenly.
“You…haven’t—”
“Had sex,” she answers before I can ask the question. She releases a long sigh. “I never…I never found the right person. Like you said, I’ve dated. I’ve had crushes and have fooled around with people, but it never felt right to cross that line, so I never did. Like you, I always thought it was because I wasn’t ready, or I was looking for something different. And I guess I was. I was just looking for someonedifferent. I think I was looking for you.”
Now it’s her turn for a blush to rise in her cheeks. Both of us were waiting for something magical when it was right here all along, a perfect match ignored because of a stupid pact we made as kids.
“I know we talked about the deal we made before.”
“The one we made right here?”
“That one,” I chuckle. “Obviously, it’s out the window. But Skylar, I’m not doing this without you knowing what you mean to me. What you have always meant to me.”
There’s a part of me that wants to push the words down into my chest and lock them there for another decade, because after I say them, I can’t take them back. I have no idea where she stands, but before we go any further, she has to know.
“We both know that deal was bullshit. It was bullshit then, and it’s bullshit now. But before we do anything more, I have to tell you—”
“It’s okay if you don’t want…you don’t have to—”
“Shut up and let me say what I need to.”
“You don’t have to—”
“You’re it for me,” I say louder than I intend to.
“I’m…what?”
“You’re it for me,” I repeat, emphasizing each word so there’s no way she can miss my meaning. “You’ve always been it for me. There has not been anyone else that has even compared to you. Your passion, your strength, your talent, your love for your family, your everything. The way you have always put everyone else before you. You were out living your dreams and you dropped everything to come back here. You took over the store without a second thought so your sister could be taken care of. It isyourturn now, sweetheart. You get to live now and I know it feels unfair that you get to while Sarah doesn’t, but it’s also unfair for you to keep yourself in a life that you never planned out for yourself. You’ve done everything you can to make lifeeasier for everyone else. Now, it’s your turn to have the life you deserve.”
