Page 61 of Artfully Wild
“But, they’re cats,” I argue, even though it’s a very weak argument.
“And?”
“Well, they’re cuddly and furry and friendly—”
“Hah!” She laughs loudly, and sarcastically. “Cats arenotfriendly.”
“Okay, what did cats ever do to you?”
“Backed me into a corner and attacked me.”
That makes me draw my head back. Sure, I’ve met mean cats in my time working with animals, but usually once they warm up to me, they’re sweet and loving. Don’t get me wrong, I know most cats are conniving and suspicious, but I’ve never met one I didn’t automatically love.
“Wait, when did that happen?”
“It was before we met. My parents got me this little black kitten for Christmas and I was so excited, because black cats get a really bad rap. But this thing was evil.”
“Uh huh,” I respond, sarcasm dripping from my voice. She has one flaw in this admission and I don’t think she realizes it yet. So I’m going to let her ramble on until I can call her out on it.
“And he was sweet at first and then all of a sudden he started to back me into corners of my own home, and attack my face.”
“Really?” Genuinely concerned for her childhood trauma she had to face, I drop the sarcasm. But just this once, because she’s lying.
“Yes. He was only at our house for a week or something, and then Mom and Dad took him back to the shelter. I never liked cats after that.”
“Mhmm,” I sit down next to her, boots already out of my skis.
“Why are you smiling at me like that?”
“Because, there’s one flaw in this whole lie you’ve told me.”
She blinks at me and I swear I can hear the sound effects they use in cartoons when a character blinks into space. “I’m not lying,” she says, almost defensively.
“Then what about Max?” I ask, not bothering to hide the smugness on my face. By the look on hers, she hadn’t even thought about Max during this whole admission.
“He doesn’t count,” is all she says before standing up and gathering her skis, the poles still dangling from her wrists.
I join her and walk at her side, softly bumping into her every other step. “He’s a cat.”
“So?”
“And he’s a black cat.”
“And?”
“And youjustadmitted that you don’t like cats. And the one who attacked you was a black one.”
“Max doesn’t…he just doesn’t count, okay?” She dips her head down, removing her helmet and goggles before looking ahead and quickening her steps.
I mirror her actions and follow. Her steps are heavier than before and it’s not just the packed down snow slowing her. Something is weighing on her and I’m not sure I should push it. What started as a way to distract myself from my fear turned into something I’m not sure she’s ready to face. We both have things in our past we aren’t sure how to work through, but what is different is we aren’t alone. We have each other to lean on.
I match my stride to hers and put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her into me. She melts into my embrace and closes her eyes for a brief second. We stop walking as she curls into my chest and lets herself go. I can count on one hand how often I have seen her cry in my life and each time before was nothing like the way it is now. Sobs wrack her chest as she lets out what I think is years of grief and sorrow she has kept locked in a box and buried deep within her soul.
“I’m sorry,” is all I whisper, because there’s nothing more someone can say when the only thing the other person needs is to grieve. To let out everything they’ve been holding back while they are in a safe space.
Her shoulders shake from sobs and she cries until we are both shivering from the cold, our exposed faces red and splotchy. Hers more so from the crying, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t shed a few tears too. For her. For her loss. For her needs that haven’t been fulfilled in years, because she was too busymaking sure everyone else around her was okay and never stopped to check in with herself to see ifshewas okay. She just was.
“Let’s get inside. I’ll run you a bath and grab some candles from Camp if he doesn’t already have them stocked in the room somewhere. And then we can order more room service and stay in bed the rest of the day watching Christmas movies, okay?”
