Page 32 of Into the Mountains
“I think it’ll take some time, but everyone deserves a chance to be happy again after a loss. Yours and your dad’s loss just hit a little harder.”
“What about you?”
I can’t see Charlotte’s face from where I’m standing, but her body visibly stiffens and a flood of questions enters my mind.
“What about me?”
“You lost your mom too, right?” I remember hearing about her mom’s death shortly after our last date. My calls went unanswered and I wanted to think most of it was because she had to deal with other things outside of her control, but I know she didn’t want to talk to me then.
“I did,” she admits, her voice quieter and stifled with emotion. “I lost my dad not long after that.”
Shit. The ache in my chest hurts for a whole different reason now and everything I’ve done and said to Charlotte since her coming here cycles through my head. It was all friendly banter and our usual competitive acquaintanceship from high school, but knowing that she has that loss in her past mixed with the hurt I caused her, makes me feel like a complete asshole.
“You did?”
“Yeah. Fifteen years ago. And it still sucks.”
“Does it get easier?”
“Time makes it easier, but some days grief hits a little bit harder than others. The days where you don’t really expect it and you miss those people just a little bit more.”
“I think I understand.”
“And I’m so sorry that you do. If you ever want to talk about this kind of stuff, you can always come to me. Or your dad.”
“It’s hard to talk to Dad sometimes.”
I can feel the familiar sting of tears behind my eyes and my neck feels hot as shame crawls up toward my ears.
“It is?”
“If I try, he gets sad. Really sad. We talked a little bit when we moved, but not much since then because he’s been really busy. I know you two have that big project.”
She puts a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Don’t give up on him, okay?”
“Okay.”
Leaning down, she places a quick kiss on his forehead, lingering for a brief moment and a look of pure contentment crosses my kid’s features. I should have left my spot when I realized they were going to talk, but it was like my body was frozen in place. A statue carved into the wall to be on display for the next generation. Trying to back away, my foot lands on a creaky floorboard and I cringe, wishing we’ve been in the house longer so I could have learned where all the creaky floorboards are hiding. There’s not a chance in hell Charlotte didn’t hear that.
She did.
Before I have a chance to meet my escape, her red hair appears at the door as she softly brings it to a close. There’s no reason to make an attempt to leave now. She knows I’m behind her. “Eavesdropping?” She looks softly over her shoulder, her hair guarding most of her face.
“Busted.”
From the look on her face, she isn’t all that amused by my antics. Even though that wasn’t my intention. “I was just comingup to give him a good night kiss and then I heard your voices and I didn’t want to intrude.”
“So, you stood in the doorway and listened to our conversation instead?”
“Well, when you put it that way, it makes it sound worse.”
“Please, put it in a way that makes it sound better.”
I think for a second and then I think about the conversation I overheard and decide to lay down my sword for this one. “I can’t.”
From the shocked look on her face, she expected me to say something different. Usually I would have. Not tonight though.
Tonight feels different.
