Page 98 of Into the Mountains
“Well, we just gave the new hires the run-down of trivia night, which they begged us to let them run, so we have plenty of time.” Meredith comes through the door, practically glaring at us. She wraps her arm around Andy’s waist. I try and fail to hide my shock when I see Meredith’s round belly almost peeking outfrom the bottom of her snug T-shirt. Andy’s hand automatically gravitates to it as she leans into her wife and kisses her cheek.
“How are you feeling?”
“About the same two minutes ago when you last asked me that question.” Meredith’s voice sounds exasperated, but she says it with a smile on her face like she would be happy if Andy asked the question a million times over.
“I can’t help it. He could literally come any day now and I want to make sure you are taken care of too.”
“And you have, Andy. I promise.” She places a light kiss on her lips and turns fully to us. “Let’s go sit in the back room. We’ve made tons of improvements in the last decade and if I stand any longer, my feet are going to swell like the bread you made with too much yeast last week.”
Hand in hand, we follow Meredith and Andy, who stays no further than a few steps behind her wife, to the back room. Where there used to be a small, cramped space with room only for a desk and a chair, there is now at least triple the size of what used to be. A dusty pink couch is against one of the walls with a desk across from it and two armchairs nearby for more seating. Meredith takes a spot on the couch propping her feet up. Andy sits down and grabs Meredith’s feet to place them on her lap. I take an armchair while Eli takes another and we all sit there in silence for a moment, each waiting for the other to start. When no one does, I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing pulse.
“I should have said it out there, but congratulations to you both. You’re going to be amazing parents, really. When are you due?”
Both of them start smiling bigger than I think I’ve ever seen them smile. “Next week,” Andy answers.
“Yes, and this one won’t stop mothering me.”
“Just practicing,” Andy jokes as she massages Meredith’s feet. “Besides, you’re the one doing all the heavy lifting. The least I can do is baby the hell out of you and treat you like the queen you absolutely are.”
“I won’t even argue with that. One because it’s true and mostly because I’m too tired.”
“I’m really happy for you two.”
They offer their thanks and I can feel the air shift. I know what comes next and I’m still not sure I’m fully ready for it.
“It’s been a long time,” Andy says. Here we go.
“It has,” I agree.
“Fifteen years,” Meredith adds, except her tone isn’t as forgiving as Andy and her wife gives her a look like this is a subject they’ve discussed before.
“Around that…yeah.” I need to say more, but I’m not even sure where to start. “I couldn’t…” I take another deep breath. “I couldn’t get myself to come back. They weren’t here and I moved on. There wasn’t anything left for me here.”
“Ouch.”
“Andy, I’m so sorry. I never meant to treat you like shit,” I try to explain, but Meredith cuts me off.
“But you did.” Andy puts her hand on Meredith’s arm, signaling her to stop and she does, but not without letting out a frustrated sigh.
“I’m not here for you to forgive me or expecting you to be my friend. Hell, I expect you to hate me. I wasn’t ready to come back, but it was not an excuse to cut you from my life.”
“If it makes you feel better, you two weren’t the only ones,” Eli says.
“You deserved it though,” Meredith argues.
“Noted.” He sits back and doesn’t say anything else and Meredith does the same. Both trying to let us talk for ourselves.But I can feel the daggers Meredith wants to throw across the room at both of us right now and I can’t say I blame her.
“I forgave you a long time ago, Charlotte. I’m not the type of person to hold onto my anger, even if I was for a while. I knew you needed time. While I didn’t expect you to need so much of it, I do understand. And I don’t expect you to explain yourself to me. But there’s one thing I wish you would have done.”
I don’t respond and just wait for her to continue.
“I wish you’d have let me be there for you. I wanted to be there and you let me for a while, but you shut me out and I had to accept that and move on.”
Tears start to build up behind my eyes and instead of pushing them down like I normally would, I allow them to the surface. “For what it’s worth, I am really sorry. The only regret I had from leaving was pushing you away and cutting you off. I just couldn’t deal with anything from here or from that time in my life. It hurt too much and in the process I hurt you too and you,” I gesture to Meredith. “I know you’re angry with me. And I truly am sorry. Nothing I can do will ever make up for what I did to you and your wife.”
“You’re here now. Making amends,” Meredith says, almost regretfully. “That’s what is important now. If I hold on to my anger the way I want to, I’ll bring our boy into a world with anger and hatred and that’s the last thing I want to do.”
The tension in the air finally breaks and it feels like we all collectively take a deep breath, letting out years of worries and strife.
