My mind keeps revisiting that precious piece of myself, but the memory is thick. Going through it and trying to take in the details is like trying to trudge through mud, each step heavier than the last. But the more obvious points are vivid, and I’m finding a foundation of self.
There is at least one loving family member for me, in the form of a grandmother. Is Nana still out there? Is she searching for me? The idea of that makes my heart swell. A face splitting grin dominates my features at the same time my resolve solidifies from this small piece of knowing who I am; and that person is not weak or defenseless.
Locane doesn’t miss the lift in my mood and demeanor. “What? Why are you smiling like that?” he demands with a scowl.
“I’m happy. Most people smile when they’re happy. You should try it sometime.” I offer him a dazzling smile.
“I smile plenty when there is a reason to. I’m just curious what could have possibly changed your mood so drastically.”
“Oh, I’m just recalling a memory I had last night that came to me in a dream.” He cuts me a glare that says he’s sorry he asked. I throw my head back and laugh. “No, not like that! Apparently I have a doting grandmother who taught me all she knows.”
“A grandmother?”
“Yes. Nana. I look a lot like her. It seems she is the one who taught me to fight.” My smile is so wide, my cheeks ache. Locane gives me a skeptical glare. I’m convinced he doesn’t know the meaning of the word ‘joy’ with the way he’s inspecting me like some foreign creature.
“You are certain this dream is a memory?”
“Yes.”
“How do you know?” He’s stopped walking and is standing with his arms crossed, feet shoulder width apart. A defensive stance.
“I just know.” There is more conviction to my voice with that sentence than anything I’ve said to him yet. Locane scans my face, and whatever he sees must convince him, because next he’s asking me more questions.
“What happened in this dream?”
“It was a training session with Taiik, overseen by Nana. I was twelve, and it was the first time I landed a blow. I was reliving that joy all over again.” I start walking again, not wanting to waste the burst of energy standing around being glared at by this infuriating man.
“Who is Taiik?”
“The Bokhaiish staff master Nana hired to train me,” I tell him impatiently.
Locane surprises me with a scoff dripping with disdain. “Of course, your weapon of choice is a staff.”
“Yes, it is,” I spit harshly. “Because Nana herself trained in Bokhaii with many renowned masters and wanted to pass that on to me. She’s a legend.”
“If she’s so legendary in the art, why did she hire someone else to train you?” he asks me coldly. “Couldn’t bother to make the time herself?”
His words are an icy punch to my heart.
“Of course not. She was waiting to be hands on in my training. I’m not sure if we ever got to that.” I gnaw my lip, the rush I felt moments ago dying down with the sudden need to know more, to remember more.
Did Nana ever make the time to personally train with me?
“Do you know why she was waiting? I can’t imagine it being a reasonable cost to send for a Bokhaiish staff master to come to Brhadir just to train a young girl.”
“She wanted me to start with beginner’s lessons.”
“Right,” Locane drawls skeptically. He’s stopped walking and is watching me with cold amusement.
Pushing past him, he stops me with a gentle hand on my arm. I look into his brown eyes, his coldness dropping and morphing into something different. This level of focus from him is unnerving. I simultaneously want to slap him in the face and push deeper into his touch.
I hate it.
“What?” I breathe when the intensity of the silent interaction becomes too much to bear.
He says nothing for another few agonizing seconds before releasing me, turning on his heel and continuing to trek on. “We’ve been awake for hours. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I scoff at his air of entitlement. “Why would I?”