Page 137 of To Scale the Emerald Mountain
“I had hoped that you spilling my blood would be what it took to break the spell of Locane’s dark magic. I see that I was wrong.”Alec turns to leave, his steps slow and labored in his defeat as he limps away, still struggling to take even breaths.
Tears fall freely down my cheeks as I watch him walk away.
The endless wave of guilt, shame, and betrayal washes over me, drowning me in the dark cloud of my actions.
I can’t stand it.
The need to make myself physically hurt, to make my body scream in pain to match the harrowing state of my mind, takes over—possessing me fully.
Rearing back my hand, I slap myself across the face as hard as I can, my neck snapping to the side.
Alec freezes as the slap rings across the pitch. He turns back to me.
Pulling back my other hand, I slap even harder across the other cheek, my sobs ragged and uncontrollable.
Alec’s face registers horror before running to me.
“Stop!” He grabs both of my wrists as I pull back to hit myself again. “Ellya, stop!”
I struggle against him, trying to break free to continue my assault against myself, but he holds me tighter, banding his arms around me to pin mine at my sides.
“Why do you care, Alec? I betrayed you!”
“You did not betray me,” he says vehemently.
“Yes, I did.” I go limp in his arms.
Alec shakes his head, eyes shining. “He violated you.”
“You saw it yourself,” I cry. “I was a willing participant.”
Alec regards me with gut wrenching sadness. “You really think so little of me that I would witness your trauma without your permission?” he asks me in disbelief. “I would never violate you further by doing so.”
Alec’s admission at not looking at that particular memory in Locane’s mind only fuels my guilty shame.
“I enjoyed it.” The words taste like death, telling Alec my dirty truth that has been eating me alive, devouring everything within me with its rotten teeth.
“Of course, you enjoyed it,” Alec says to me with care and understanding. “Locane purposely used my connection with him to manipulate your bond with me into enjoying it. He fed you just enough pieces of me that live within him to make you think what you were doing was right.”
I sob hysterically, refusing to look at Alec. He takes my chin in his hand, turning me to face him. “I have already told you, there is nothing that could ever happen to change what we are.” His eyes burn into me. “I am yours, in this life and the next.”
My resolve breaks with his acceptance of me, even with my truths in the open. I wrap my arms around him, holding him as tightly as I can. My fingers dig into his bare back, crusted with blood from all the ways I cut into him, clawing into his skin to try to bring him closer. Burying my face in his chest, I breathe in his comforting scent as my horrors rain from my eyes.
Alec’s arms encircle me and pull me into him.
“I’m so sorry,” I wail into his warm skin.
“There is nothing to forgive.”
He holds me tight and strokes my hair as I cry, releasing all the crushing weight I’ve been harboring for months all at once, shedding its heaviness and allowing Alec to hold it with me.
He rubs my back and kisses the top of my head repeatedly, desperately.
After several long minutes, I pull back a fraction, and he allows me. He looks down at me, eyes shining, and his throat bobs as he takes me in.
“You weren’t wrong.” Reaching to pull one of Alec’s hands from my back, I place his palm over my heart. “I feel you,” I say and he loosens a breath, closing his eyes. Guiding his other hand to my face until his fingertips rest at my temple, I cover it with mine.
“I know you,” I whisper through my tears, and his restraint breaks. Alec’s breath is ragged as he allows his tears to fall. I run my hand over his cheek to wipe them away and he nuzzles into my touch. “I’m sorry.”
