Page 62 of Say You Remember Me
Ian frowned, clearly confused. “Wait, I thought you said you met him in high school?”
“Iwas in high school when we met. But he was a couple of years older and dated Janica before that.”
“So were they on a break when you met? Or…?”
“He was single as far as I knew,” I said, since Ian seemed to be wondering if I’d been the “other woman” in Jaxon and Janica’s relationship back then. “When they graduated high school, she left for college in another city. Jaxon stayed behind in Ridgewater and worked for his dad while taking a few classes. He and I met at a college party when I was sixteen. We hung out and hooked up a few times—nothing super serious. But then, well, I got pregnant on accident and…I guess I trapped him with a baby.”
“He told you that you trapped him?” Ian gasped, seemingly surprised with my wording.
“He didn’t use those exact words.” I shook my head. “But, with how everything turned out, it just seems like me getting pregnant just delayed him from getting back with the girl he actually wanted to be with.”
“You couldn’t have gotten pregnant without his help,” Ian said. “I mean, I don’t know if any protection was involved. But you didn’t just spontaneously get pregnant. This wasn’t another case of immaculate conception. It happened because his sperm wasn’t contained.”
An awkward laugh bubbled out despite myself, and he shot me an apologetic look.
“Sorry,” he said, a sheepish smile lifting his lips. “That came out a little too blunt.”
“No, it’s…it’s fine. I guess I never thought about it that way.”
“Yeah, I guess it’s been important for me to take responsibility that way, regardless of what my partner has going on birth control-wise,” Ian said, an unexpected vulnerability in his eyes. “I mean, I may have been a bit of a man-whore, but at least I knew that if I wanted to do my part in avoiding fatherhood before I was ready, I needed to keep everything under wraps.”
And I knew I must have looked shocked in that moment because he put a hand on my knee and playfully shook it as he said, “Sorry. I forgot you’re one of those sweet, small-town girls.”
“Yeah, and you were supposed to be a small-town boy,” I said, my jaw dropping. “But man, those city-slicker vibes are coming out tonight.”
We both laughed, but the moment of lightness faded as I returned to the darker memories. “Anyway, I think I told you that we didn’t actually move in together until Grant was two since things were pretty rocky between us at first. But then, I don’t know, even though things weren’t super easy, I guess I always thought that deep down, we’d be able to work.”
“Hey, Grant is what, eight?” Ian asked. “That’s a pretty good run. I mean, there are tons of couples who don’t make it even that long. My mom and bio dad didn’t. I certainly never have.”
“I guess,” I said. “But I don’t know… With how everything turned out, it just feels like I kept him from living with the woman he actually wanted.”
Ian looked like he wanted to say something, but since I didn’t actually like telling this story and wanted to get it out as quickly as I could, I hurried to say, “A couple of years ago, Jaxon and Janica reconnected online. And, well… Jaxon must’ve decided the grass was greener on her side. They met up one night when she was in town and, uh, he just…didn’t come home.”
“What?” Ian’s jaw clenched, his deep brown eyes sharp with disbelief.
I nodded, remembering those horrible days. “I thought something awful had happened—my first thought wasn’t even that he was with someone else. We had a fight the day he went missing. So I assumed he’d gone to his parents’ place to cool off since he’d done that before. But when he didn’t answer my texts or come home the next night, I checked his location. Saw he’dstopped sharing it with me, and so I called him. No answer. I called and called, and finally, he texted back.”
My throat tightened, the memory of his words still stinging.
“He said he was sorry, that he was a failure and a burden. And that Grant and I would be better off without him since he always just messed everything up.” I swallowed, feeling the rawness of it all over again. “Anyway, I immediately got worried because this wasn’t the first time he’d said something like that. He’d been in a bad place a year earlier and talked about…you know, not wanting to be here anymore.”
“Oh no…” Ian reached out, resting his hand gently on mine.
“Yeah.” I nodded, tears pricking at my eyes as I remembered the feelings of helplessness that had crashed over me.
The fear and panic.
“Anyway, after sending me that text, he turned off his phone.” I blew out a breath. “And since I couldn’t track him, I really panicked. I posted on social media, begged people to look out for him. I was terrified. Thought he was going to do something drastic, if he hadn’t already done it. I even filed a missing person’s report.”
“Oh, Maddie,” Ian said, scooting closer on the couch and pulling me into his arms. “I can’t even imagine—” He stopped, seeming to search for words, before saying, “What a nightmare.”
I nodded, sniffling as I tried to keep it together. With trembling lips, I managed to say, “It was literally the worst three days of my life.”
“Three days?” Ian leaned back to look at me, so much concern and feeling in his eyes. “You didn’t hear from him for three days?”
“Yeah.” I drew in a shaky breath. “Eventually, he showed up. Told me he’d been with Janica. Just…holed up in a hotel, acting like it was some kind of honeymoon.”
Ian’s arms tightened around me. “All the while you’d been going through hell, thinking he might be gone for good.”
