Page 11 of Guarding the Shadows
“I guess there’s something we need to talk about,” I muttered. Ten minutes before I’d been full of anticipation, excitement and hope, but since then I’d grown fearful that something was wrong. “Are you pregnant?” I questioned while fear ran through me. Gwen didn’t want children. I agreed because the world was in a messy place, and with the job I did, I would be absent from a growing child’s life for a lot of the time.
Gwen frowned and I knew immediately that wasn’t it, but it was the only thing I could think of to ask. “No. I just don’t feel well.”
When she gave me more eye contact and held my gaze, I believed she was telling the truth. Fear reared up from my belly when I considered it might be something serious. “Sick enough to see a doctor?” I probed.
“No … mostly anxious.”
“You’re anxious? What are you anxious about?”
Picking up the two mugs of coffee, Gwen handed me one, rounded the island worktop and headed toward a living room chair. “Let’s sit over here, it’s more comfortable,” she said.
I felt the tension creep back into my body, and as I wandered over to a chair, I cricked my neck from side to side to relieve my stress. Taking a seat, I huffed out a breath while I tried to control my impatience. Hearing my frustration, she glanced up at me and held my gaze. “So, tell me, what’s going on?”
“I know you expect me to be all sunshine and rainbows, but I’m exhausted today,” she disclosed.
Her comment caught me off guard and left me flat, because Gwen was normally the last person who would admit to being tired. Personally, I was exhausted too because I’d missed out on sleep to be there. Although something still didn’t sit right with me, I decided that if she was genuinely tired at 10:30 a.m., I’d put that to the test.
“Okay, baby, if you’re really that tired, then let’s go to bed.”
9
Raff
True to her word, Gwen must have been as exhausted as she’d said she was, because she immediately fell asleep on my chest. And as I looked down at her beautiful face as she rested, I pushed back the swell of resentment I felt from my less than welcome homecoming.
Usually, I loved watching her sleep, however, my instincts told me Gwen’s avoidance had little to do with tiredness and there was a bigger problem to deal with once she woke up.
It’s hard to describe all the emotions that ran through my body as I laid there, but I felt my frustration slide while I studied her sun-kissed features, then I reminded myself that Gwen was the girl who had lit up the darkness for my whole, damned life until now. So, I promised myself whatever it was that was troubling her, I’d find that out and fix it.
All it had taken was for her head to land on my chest to gain my forgiveness for this morning. After all, I knew how exhaustion could overwhelm a person, and like me, Gwen deserved her ‘off’ days.
Having her soft, warm curves next to my body immediately comforted me because there had been very few feelings latelythat matched that. That said, as I lay there beside her, this time I didn’t experience the usual contentment.
Taking a deep breath, I sighed to release some residual tension left in my body and slid my fingertips into the thick, auburn locks that had attracted me to her in the first place. My heart slowed the moment I began to delve my fingers deeper into her hair and began the soothing task of sifting through those long, silky strands.
While I played with her hair, it slowly cleared my mind and helped me regain my focus. I’d been trained to read people, so I began to recall in an objective, frame by frame reproduction of my girl’s stilted response to seeing me today. Once this was done, I was certain tiredness played no part in Gwen’s strange, off-handed behavior to my homecoming today.
I only realized I’d fallen asleep when I woke late in the afternoon. And when I saw the other side of the bed was empty, an ominous feeling instantly filled my chest. I strained to listen for movement around her apartment, and when I couldn’t hear any sounds, I got up to investigate.
My spine stiffened from the jolt of alarm the moment I saw Gwen looking lost in thought. She sat by the window, feet tucked under her ass, her thoughts obviously miles away while she stared blankly off into space.
“Want to tell me what’s going on?” I asked quietly. From the way that she jumped in the seat and clutched her sweater in her fist, I could tell that she hadn’t expected my interruption.
When she turned to look at me, there was a stoic expression on her face, it was a look that I’d never seen before. In thatmoment my heart splintered into a million tiny pieces because the determination she held in her gaze told me we were done.
“There’s something I need to tell you … I would have before but …” she sighed, then whispered, “I didn’t know how.”
She moved her legs and pulled out an expensive-looking, white envelope with gold embossed writing on it.
“Is that a wedding invitation? You want to get married?” I replied, my tone registering the possible, incredulous arrangement that she’d made.
“Yes,” she muttered unsmiling.
“Then why didn’t you at least talk about it with me?” If this conversation had happened before this tour, I might have thought she was testing me, or I might even have read it as an ultimatum.
Instead, I chuckled at the fact that she’d gone ahead and arranged the surprise behind my back. The truth was that she’d beat me to the punch because I had been ready to ask her to move in. However, if it was marriage she needed, I was ready to give her that.
“No, notourmarriage—mine,” she replied flatly. The stony look on her face made me wonder what the fuck she meant.
