Page 40 of Liquid Courage
“It’s not my forgiveness you should be begging for. Vivian’s the one who was left crying after you were done with her. I just had to witness it.”
Shari’s meticulously groomed eyebrows raised up her forehead. “So why do you have cute pictures of this girl on your phone? Let me guess. You swept in and cheered her up after I was done with her, as you put it. Touching. You got my scrapsanda convenient way to pick her up. You’re the hero she never asked for.”
“So does this disease make you forget the crap you literally just said, or are you aware that everything you say is foul and dumb?”
“I’m aware.”
“You really don’t give a fuck, huh?”
“Maybe under other conditions I would work to improve my character, but I’ve long stopped caring. I only have so much more life ahead of me. It’s hard enough to remember good things. Bad things? I’ll say I’m sorry, but there’s no guarantee I’ll mean it.”
“Yeah. Pretty sure you’re just a bitch.”
“I always preferred the word cunt, honestly. Gets the point across with that lovely sound in the back of the throat. But bitch works too.” Shari sipped some of her tea. “You know, this is one of the only things I can easily remember. Muscle memory. Once I’m in front of the register, the words come out, and I have a drink I’m pleasantly pleased with. I can’t remember what it tastes like. Just that I’ll like it. A nice little present every time I go out, although baristas give me crap for always ordering the same thing.” Shari put her mug back down. “But it’s not the same thing to me.”
I’m definitely looking this up when I get home.This could be an elaborate ruse because Shari was more than a sociopath.Maybe she’s a sociopathandhas a degenerative brain disease.Wouldn’t that be a lovely combination?
“We were talking about Vivian.”
“Who?”
Sighing, Kat showed her the picture again. “You fucked her up. You should be apologizing to her.”
“Perhaps I will. But there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
“God, what?” When would this be over?
Shari enjoyed another sip of her drink. “Why did I dump you? I’m guessing I must have hurt your feelings too, if you’re this flippant toward me.”
Kat’s cheeks burned red in anger. “You basically told me that I was too manly for you.”
“Oh.” Shari looked her up and down. Quick. Critical. Decisive. “You are. You’re not my type at all. I vastly prefer femmes.”
“You didn’t have a damn problem with how I looked those first few weeks we dated.”
“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t. I definitely didn’t know I was sick yet. I’m not trying to use it as an excuse for hurting your feelings, by the way. It’s just a fact. If I didn’t have it, I might not come off as rude, and maybe I would have more empathy, but honestly, it’s amazing I can construct full sentences sometimes.”
“You don’t seem to have a problem right now.”
“I have my good days and bad days. I really should stop online dating, though. I’m always disappointed by the person I meet in real life. They look nothing like their pictures.” Shari laughed. “That’s how I found out about this thing in my head. I was ranting about how everyone is so fake online when a Facebook friend realized my typing mistakes were reminiscent of her grandfather’s dementia.”
“You don’t have dementia, though.”
“It could turn into dementia. It might as well be dementia, by the time it’s done with me.”
“So what? You’re gonna live in a nursing home sometime in the next decade?”
“It’s a possibility. I have savings set aside for it. But sometimes I wake up in the morning and forget it’s a reality until I go into my kitchen and see everything, from the cupboards to the pictures on the wall, labeled. It’s a good thing I label things, too, because I would throw out old treasured keepsakes or forget what my nephew looks like as he grows up. He hates me, though.”
“Because you’re a bitch?”
“We prefer to call it being too honest. My brother is too nice to me.”
“The crab fisherman.”
“Yes. You know fishermen work very long and hard hours, and my brother doubly so. My parents don’t much want to do with me because I burned those bridges a long time ago, so I spend most of my time with my brother when he’s available. He has the patience of a saint. Although he says he pities the nurses who will have to take care of me one day.”
“This is insane.”
