Page 62 of The One That Ran Away
“And? That doesn’t bother me.”
“Anymore, huh?”
Shannon continued to grin as she reflected upon that.Pot is a helluva drug, huh?It affected Shannon differently from Jess, who barely felt the effects. Then again, she took exactly one hit. Maybe it took a while to come. Maybe she had that much of a tolerance, not that she regularly touched the stuff. “You know how it is when you’re younger. New shit you’ve never thought about before is scary. You came into my life, and suddenly ‘lesbianism’ was a thing.”
“You don’t have to be a lesbian, you know.”
“I know.” This time, Shannon’s laugh was more infectious. “That’s the most freeing thing, isn’t it? I don’t have to dwell upon it. It is what it is… we can be whatever we want in the moment.”
Jess wasn’t laughing. “As long as what you are doesn’t conflict with what the other person wants.”
Shannon’s fingers slowly ascended Jess’s arm. Her touch felt like a torrent of butterfly kisses hitting Jess’s skin. “We can take things slow. Hang out, you know? Do some fun stuff. Friends with benefits?”
“I would want more than that.” Friends with benefits sounded fun whenlovewasn’t involved. The moment Jess saw Shannon going out with someone else, her heart would once more be irreparably damaged. “I want a girlfriend, not a fling.”
Shannon was quiet for a moment. “Maybe that’s what I want, too. I’m saying it doesn’t have to be super serious until it feels right. No U-hauling it, or whatever the lesbos are supposed to do.”
“Again, stop making fun of my style.”
Shannon laughed.
“You can make all the promises you want right now, Shan,” Jess continued. “But how do I know you’ll still feel the same way tomorrow? Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice?” She couldn’t stop thinking about how defeated she felt in that student café. The bar had been bad enough. But that?No. I can’t go through that again.“You already ran away once. I’m too old to bear that kind of sadness again.” She had barely survived the last round.
Shannon wrapped her arms around her naked legs. “Then let’s end things here for now.”
Those words almost killed Jess.
“You’re right. I can sit here and tell you how much I’ve changed and how much I want to proceed with my life as the freest version of me possible. Yet why should you believe me? I’ve been cruel to you in the past. There’s only one thing to do.”
“Go on.”
“After tonight, we won’t see each other. Not on purpose.” Shannon winked at Jess, insinuating that hadn’t stopped them before. “If it really is fate… if we’re really meant to be together, then we’ll both be in Couch Park on April Fool’s Day.”
“Why Couch Park?”
“It’s where I was when I first realized I had some feelings for you. It has the best energy.”
“You’re starting to sound like me.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing.”
Jess didn’t deny the kiss coming for her lips. The way Shannon’s tongue caressed her lover’s lips made Jess wonder if this was the last kiss she would ever savor for the rest of her life. Shannon was as good as a ghost. For all Jess knew, this whole night had been nothing but a cold apparition.
She better make sure to kiss Shannon harder. Nobody needed to know how much Jess wanted her more than this otherworldly woman.
